Dave: I'm David, 

Lana: I'm Lana. 

Dave: And we are. How you doing Lana and Dave? I'm doing wonderful. How are you? 

Lana: I'm doing wonderful and I hope everybody listening is doing wonderful. 

Dave: I hope they're doing fantastic as well. Everybody, 

Lana: but especially you, this particular listener. You right there. You, 

Dave: yeah. You, 

Lana: Speaking of listeners, can I just can I just give a shout out to 1 0 9?

Dave: A hundred percent. 

Lana: She's my friend Kim. I've known her since 19 80, 0, 19 84. Anyway, maybe even earlier. She has listened to all 86 of our podcast. That's fantastic. What a And she's like, good girl. I think I've heard them all. And I'm like, 86. And she's like, yeah. I'm going on vacation. Maybe I'll re-list to some of them.

I'm, I listen to all of 'em. Tell, 

Dave: I have to say that to, she's got me beat. I don't even think I've listened to all of them. Yes, she doesn't. You beat. That's really sad. You have, you listened to all of them, even the ones we did. Yes. 

Lana: Because I have to, I'm editing it. 

Dave: Oh yeah, that's true.

Lana: There's no way for me not to hear it. 

Dave: Uhhuh. And then I 

Lana: have to listen over once a podcast. This is what I do. Hi. Hi, I'm Lana. This is the this is the crazy crap. I do. First we do the podcast, then I edit the podcast. 

Dave: That's right. 

Lana: I do have an app that helps me a little bit with the podcast so we can get a, we can get a lot of the bulk of the nonsense out of the podcast.

So I'm not sitting here for like eight days getting carpal tunnel. Right. And then from there, I actually listen to the podcast all the way through again, because as you're editing it, you can't hear all the little details. 

Dave: Right. 

Lana: That's true. So I go back through to listen to it, to hear, to sound, see if it sounds like it's fluid.

And it makes sense. 'cause if I edit stuff out, I want it to make sense to the person listening that we're not jumping topics or anything like that. Right? Then I put it up on, on the platform. When it, the day it comes out, I listen to it from the platform, 

Dave: right? To make sure the platform is the job. This is 

Lana: the insanity.

It goes on in my head and I say to myself, okay, does it sound like it? Like it, I try to put myself in the position of somebody who just gutted notification and said, oh, a new podcast is up. Let me listen to it and try to like, from the outside perspective, listen to, it's a little bit hard, but I do try to be objective about it.

And then at that point, if it's really terrible or I hear something, oh my God, I missed this, or whatever, I can actually re-upload quickly and edit a version of that before too many people grab it and hear whatever the error is. So that's how many times I listen each podcast. Yeah. And I just did, yeah, once because I 

Dave: think once, once it goes out to all the platforms, 'cause we do have it set to just automatically go to all the platforms.

So I don't know what happens if you change it. After the fact. That's an interesting, it does, it, it re it changes, it reloads oh, good. 

Lana: I don't like it to hit, I don't know if it changes the numbers, and that's why I try to do it real quick. 

Dave: Right, right. 

Lana: And if it goes on for like three weeks.

Dave: See, I never, and I even knew you, that piece need 

Lana: something to it. Then it will, it might skew the numbers, like of who people who've already heard it and I don't want it to drop the numbers, so I might, I make sure I do it right away. 

Dave: And so, for the record, the reason why Lana does this is because, 

Lana: yeah, I wouldn't get done.

Dave: I'm, no, it absolutely would not because I believe in the whole live thing. And we were doing that at the beginning [00:03:00] and it was fine. It was good. Yeah. Lana just wanted it to be more perfect. And I'm cool with that too. That's okay. But I wasn't gonna do it. 

Lana: Right. Right. And now that we're on, oh, by the way, I have, I said we would get you I we'd get up on, on YouTube.

We are now on YouTube. 

Dave: Oh yeah. Fantastic. So 

Lana: since that's happened in, oh, by the way, I've done that all solo by myself. Hello. Other than Dave going, oh, that looks great. Yeah, I did. That's pretty much all they did. I did go look at it and I'm putting thumbnails up on each one to make sure that it looks like it's good visually.

Dave: Yep. 

Lana: So we're not just, you're not just looking at the same picture all the time. I'm trying to get specific thumb for each one. Oh, really? See, I haven't even 

Dave: seen that yet. I've seen all the same thumbnail so far, 

Lana: right? Is what I've seen. No, it's been, I've changed. Some of them are still have to be updated, but probably 75% of them are thumbnail.

Now...

Dave: look at you go. 

Lana: Only because, I had to I put the thumbnails up and then they dropped and I'm like, what's going on? And it had just something to do with resolution and the 

Dave: kind of picture I put, and maybe the listeners don't understand. I do tech for a living, so I'm at a computer all day, every day.

So am I. So That's true. That's true too. Yeah. Okay. I do about six 50 hours of this is not gonna work out. Welcome, Elena. It's a lot. You're just, you 

Lana: just suck. Dave. 

Dave: I do suck. I do suck. That's okay. 

Lana: But wait. We have to, I have to give, dig Dave his kudos. So I said, Dave, what would you like to talk about today?

Granted, he gave it to me. 15 minutes before we started. Yeah. But that's okay. He gave me a topic I did. And not only he you a topic, he actually gave me notes. 

Dave: I did. 

Lana: And I honestly don't think I'm gonna live through this. Like, I'm gonna fall off my 

Dave: chair. See I don't do notes. And anybody that has heard a past podcast will know I don't do notes.

I like shooting from the hip, which I do. But the reason I did, the reason I did this is because I knew that it was a subject that I wanted to talk about and it's gonna be something like friends or something else. Who and I actually did, I told the, I told I used ai, that's what it's I'm not a note taker or a, so I used AI and said to build me some notes and it built me the notes and I gave 'em to Lana.

'cause she likes the notes. I, interesting. I like a little structure. Interesting. A little structure. Sure. And I don't hate a little bit of structure either, and it's probably gonna do us better this way. Yes. So yeah. So that's what we're gonna talk about today. We're gonna talk about when you first meet somebody and there's this there's a spark that's beyond friendship.

So you're just being friends. And and then you notice that there's a little bit of spark there or romance possibly. And that's an interesting part of any kind of relationship. So we're gonna talk about that today. 

Lana: So let's talk about or let's, let me ask how common you think this is?

'cause so many people, at least that I know, are so intentional on something, being a romance right away, and 

Dave: Right. 

Lana: Trying to pursue the end game, like before they go in the front door. 

Dave: Which, right. And so, and to me, I think typical today, yeah, it is. And to me, I think this, honestly and I'll be forth with and say, I'm going through that right now.

I've met somebody as friends, somebody that I just saw quite a bit. And we're starting to talk a little more and there's definitely a connection there. Or at least, and we'll talk further about this too. Where is, and 'cause that's part of it, is it is it just a am I receiving the signals wrong?

Am I incorrect? Is it, just me or is it both of us? Am I in this by myself? Yeah. There's a million questions that get asked right now, which I find very exciting. And I think every relationship, in my opinion, should start. Like this, if it turns into something, that's great if it doesn't, but you know, that's how it's supposed to happen, I think, so that's how it's always happened with me.

Anyway. Any good relationship I've had starts like this. 

Lana: I agree that the friendship itself we've talked about this before anyway where the friendship is not the most important thing, but it's good to build it first. A hundred percent. There's sometimes romantic contention early on, but I think skipping the friendship, there are some people who believe their friendship and that a relationship are two different people, which is weird to me.

Dave: Yeah, that's crazy. 

Lana: But, so those people don't build a friendship. And once, with our whole honeymoon episode, by the way Bonnie will have our back maybe next month. 

Dave: Oh, great. 

Lana: Yeah. 

Dave: Nice. 

Lana: But the build, the building of the friendship is I think the important substance to the relationship.

Right. And however you come at it, you can see somebody across the room and say, that looks good to me. Hey, how you doing? Whatever, 

Dave: right? 

Lana: And if there's a friendship behind it, that's great, but also you can come in from the friendship angle and just get to know somebody as another person that you find interesting.

Dave: Doesn't that make sense? That it would make more sense that way? Because look, if I looked at somebody and then I just. Immediately Romance. Right? It's immediate romance. I don't know that love at first sight could happen, I mean there's a whole bunch more.

Don't wanna believe in it. Yeah. That's like sex at first sight in my opinion. You know what I mean? It's like, it doesn't mean that there's nothing there. It doesn't mean that I'm not sexually attracted to this person. It just means that, there's steps that go along and you see where it grows.

And, I've talked about this a million times. It comes the plant. Yeah. I'm not gonna talk about the plant today 'cause I'm actually growing tomato plants and I'm seeing what they're doing and it's pretty interesting. But yeah, so if you don't know what that means, you'll have to go back to our other episodes and listen.

You'll, and ta-da you'll find out what I'm talking about. Is it 

Lana: friendship or romance? Yeah. So which one of those podcasts is it 

Dave: anyway? That's right. So the thing is that I think everything should grow organically. It, in, in life. It, it truly does, right? I if you, and it doesn't matter, like some people force themselves into a job 'cause they desperate for the money, right?

If you're desperate for the money and you take any job, you're not gonna be happy there. And it, I believe it's the same thing with romance. If you're trying to force romance, it's not gonna work. You can't force that. It's not possible. And I have friends that do it over and over again.

They literally will have a problem with a guy or a girl. And then they're like, I hate that person, blah, blah, blah. And then three months later. They're back with that person again complaining about the problems that they're having. And I go no shit, how many times are you gonna do that before you realize that's not the one, and so, 

Lana: yeah. But you do, and we talked about this in season one, how many people just don't wanna be by themselves. They 

Dave: don't. 

Lana: Right. And you can justify that and say, yeah, but people are supposed to be with other people and all that other stuff, and that's fine. Sure. But it can't be to the point where you are sacrificing Correct.

Your own wellbeing. 

Dave: Right. 

Lana: And any kind of common sense. 

Dave: Yeah. I kinda look at it as, Hey, I've got bills that need to be paid, so should I go out and rob a bank and get that instant gratification because no, that's gonna ruin the rest of my life. And I believe that relationships are the same thing. If you are, if you're tired of being alone or you're lonely, look we talked about this before.

We get lonely, I. I'm, I've been a single man for 16 years human, and sure I get lonely, of course I do. But Right. I make the decision not to just jump into a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship because again, it's like robbing the bank for instant gratification. If I get that instant gratification is pretty good.

It's not real. It's just something that I'm willing to take for the moment. And if you take something for the moment and expect it to be the big deal, it's generally not that's the case. 

Lana: So I've been doing some coursework because I've been working on my attachment style, but there's a phrase that I learned that I thought was pretty interesting and one it's if you are driving down the road and you have a half a tank of gas, you don't have to stop, but you can stop.

You have more of an I idea of you have more of a position to choose what you feel like stopping for. Hey, I think I'll stop at this gas station and fill up the rest of my tank, but I have enough to get home. If I decided I don't wanna do it, then I'm fine. 

But when you're on vapors, it's any gas station correct. And you are hoping you see one period. That's right. And it doesn't matter when you pull in there, you gotta pay what they charge you. That's right. There's nothing you can do about it. That's right. That to me is like a relationship where somebody is responding to their loneliness versus, Hey, I'm cool by myself.

Dave: Sure. 

Lana: But it would be nice to have somebody else around that. Like, I get that I vibe with, but I'm not gonna 

Dave: Right. 

Lana: Compromise myself. 

Dave: Yeah. A hundred percent. A hundred percent. And to me, this part of the relationship or whatever it is, because again, it's growing organically. Now I will say that one of the thing is, there's a spark, right?

And we talk about that if there's a spark, right? So. When you first meet somebody, it's not like, ooh, instant Spock, or whatever the case is. But you know, the more is like, the more that you're around somebody if, you feel that vibe all of a sudden, and that's what I'm going through now, right?

We have more conversation. I notice that a hug goodbyes are a little more intense. Public hugs. It's not a, it's not like a big romantic thing, but they're definitely more at least for me, from my standpoint right? I feel it more and that's a wonderful thing.

So, and again, that more affectionate 

Lana: or more Yeah, 

Dave: I think it is. Okay. It feels more affectionate. It's not just like a Okay, I'm giving you a hug 'cause I have to give you a hug. It's, there's that want there. Now I feel that from her. And that's a great feeling. Now the thing is that, again we go to that.

There's steps in this here, right? Right. So you got, one of the first, according to, AI gave us some information, the spark. What's that feeling? Right. Is it a feeling that I'm feeling? Is it a, is it, a little more flirtiness going on? Is there a little more?

And the question is it from both of us or just one of us? Right. Right. So, and you don't know, right? You don't know till, you 

Lana: don't. But that's 

Dave: and that's okay. And that's, I think that's 

Lana: the 

Dave: exciting part. Of course it is. It's part of the, it should 

Lana: be.

Dave: I think a lot of people are like, see I think we're living in a society today where people are like I'm not gonna say anything until he or she says something first. I wanna make sure, and nobody 

Lana: wants to put themselves out there. 

Dave: Yeah. And that's a shame, right? Because what's the worst that can happen?

Let's say I put myself out there and I say, Hey, I'm starting to I'm starting to like you and I think we should, hang out more and, whatever. And she goes, yeah I'm cool. I'm, that's not what I'm looking for. That's fine. I'm not, it's not gonna kill me.

Number one, will I go, ah, shucks. Sure I will. But that's it. I'll live, 

Lana: there are people who I by some of the examples that I've seen in recent months and years that cannot deal with, like, it has to be something that works out. They cannot, they won't consider that it might not work.

Dave: Yeah. That's a shame. They 

Lana: have no idea how to respond to it. If it doesn't work, they take it way too personally and they react and attack. Yeah. Sometimes that when something doesn't go their way, and I don't understand how, in my opinion, nobody can understand that. Everything is a 50 50 shot.

Dave: Of course. And at least 

Lana: With this is concerned. 

Dave: That's what makes, that's what makes it exciting. Right? Right. Because to me it's like anything, I'm an entrepreneur, so I like starting new projects. And those new projects, either they're gonna blow up into something or they're not, they're gonna fizzle out.

And I look forward to that. That's exciting to me. It's like, oh, what's the next step? What's the next step? What's, oh, no, that's it's over. Yep. And that's okay. Oh, there's another company out there doing it. They're a multi-billion dollar company. We're not gonna compete with that game over.

Right. Or you start building something and you go, oh, this is really cool, and you don't know where it's gonna grow to. That's so exciting To me. It's ki it's like little kids, right? I love watching little kids. I love sitting there watching them play because they're learning and you don't know what the hell they're gonna do until they, till they do it.

And so, to me, anything that grows. Organically, it's amazing to watch. So being part of something that's growing organically is amazing to me. And so I, I think that people need to start looking at things like that as opposed to, oh, this is what I want. And if I can't have that, that would be like me going to see her someday and her going, this is not what I want.

And I go she's a piece of shit. It's not it's a, 

Lana: do you know? Do you know how many people do that? 

Dave: I do. I do. And it's crazy to me. So 

Lana: there's something called sunken cost fallacy, which we've actually discussed before as an investment myth. Right? 

Dave: Right. 

Lana: And people, there were people that won't invest or that won't make an effort unless they think they're gonna get responded to in a good way.

Right, exactly. So they, it's almost like they won't even bother unless they know that the result's gonna be what they want. Right. And you can't live like that. Like it. No, this doesn't work. No, you can't. So 

Dave: You can't define what the results will be in anything that you do. Yep.

Like, I'm drinking a Dunkin' Donuts coffee right now. I don't know what the results of this gonna be. Is it gonna make me feel like shit? 'cause sometimes I drink Dunking Donuts or any coffee, and I get all jittery and I feel like crap sometimes I feel great and I don't know what's gonna happen. I can't pretend I'm going to.

If you 

Lana: didn't know and you only wanted it to make you feel good and it made you feel bad once, would you stop drinking it? 

Dave: Right. Exactly. Exactly. That's where we're, that's where we're at [00:16:00] societally and we're 

Lana: in New England, so that's just insane. Okay. Let me just tell you that right now.

Right. I don't think anybody can, stop's not happening. Stop. 

Dave: I know. Nobody can stop here and get Dunking Donuts and honestly, listen and they're not a sponsor, so I'm gonna say this. And even if they were, I'm still gonna say it. The coffee is not that great. It's not the best coffee, but we're addicted to it because it's part of New England.

Yeah. And, I feel like I'm not a New Englander culture. Yeah. It's not, I'm not part of the culture If I'm not drinking Dunkin Donuts coffee it's insane. 

Lana: So I personally don't drink it. Yeah. I just drink coffee off my counter. I always do with it. Yeah. 

Dave: I do too. My morning cup of coffee has to be, although lately I've been drinking a hot coffee, from dunks. 

Lana: Yep. Dunks on occasion. 

Dave: Donkey from dunks. Yeah. Dunkins. 

Lana: So, so what do you think that. The, we all have different opinions on what we think that spark actually is. Then 

Dave: of course, is it 

Lana: chemistry? I think personally it's brain chemistry.

I think it's brain chemistry. 

Dave: Yeah. I think it's that too. And I also think it's, sure, and I also think it's I think the spark is also what you're getting from the other person too. The feeling you're getting from the things they say and do. But the, it comes 

Lana: from your brain chemistry.

Dave: Oh, a hundred percent. Yeah. I could be completely wrong, you know what I mean? Right. And the thing is that and there's no rush in these things too. So even though you might feel a Spock, that doesn't mean, I don't know. Like I could go talk to her tomorrow and she could say something and I go she's not the right girl for me.

Right. And it's as simple as that. It's not a big deal, but letting it grow. And seeing where it goes is a great thing without pushing anything. I'm not trying to push anything and she's definitely not. And there's all these different things you have to look at. You have to look up, you have to look at, like one of the questions here is timing.

Why not now? Why not now? Because I don't know her well enough for it to be now. Right. And I'm a realist when it comes to that. And I think we all need to be, 

Lana: and you're not trying to push familiarity, which correct. I must say that's happening in the dating world. It's insanity 

Dave: right now.

It is it doesn't make any sense. You're meeting 

Lana: somebody that's trying to like. I get that people wanna skip the beginning of everything 'cause they don't like it. Why? Because they feel like there's [00:18:00] I'm not saying I agree with it. No, 

Dave: I know, 

Lana: but it seems like people are trying to get off that initial stage and like, just to be in involved already.

Dave: Sure. Would it be nice if I could snap my fingers and be sitting in my house watching TV holding someone's hand? Sure. But that's not real. That's not and you can't, there are people that 

Lana: really think, there's people out there that think literally that can be done. 

Dave: So let you know. It doesn't make any sense to me.

So let's say I call her up tonight and I say, Hey, come over. Watch a movie. And we sit there and holding hands, watching a movie and be like, okay, now you live here and now you're my girlfriend and what the hell? You know what I mean? That's insane to me. That's so insane. It goes 

Lana: back to this thing where I think people's social skills are going, bye-bye.

Dave: I think so too. 

Lana: And the gradual. Obviously we're nowhere near where we were as kids in the last pod podcast we did, which is more than enough. We talked about like how was dating back in the day, but we were around people all the time. Right. There wasn't much of a step to, to take, to get into an involvement with somebody that, like you saw at school, you saw after school on the 

Dave: that's 'cause you knew them.

Right. That's what I'm saying. We, our social, but that's 

Lana: common sense. 

Dave: Yeah. Of course. Our social, so we kinda skipped that because our social stuff structure is so different today. We don't, we're not around people all the time, the same people all the time. Where I try to be like, I go to the same stores and stuff and get to know the people.

And because that's how you grow relationships with people, right? Yeah. I have an assistant now that works for me and he's a good friend of mine now. And I met him at a Dunkin Donuts and honestly, when I first saw him, 'cause he's so, oh, what's the word I'm looking for? I don't wanna be insultive, but too bad he'll get over it.

The thing is that when I defamation, when I first saw him, I thought this dude's like a meth head or something. He's so loaded with energy. It drives me nuts. 

Lana: Yeah. 

Dave: Everywhere we go, 'cause you know me I'm like a laid back guy. I'm just the laid 

Lana: back as you are.

Dave: Exactly. That's why we're so, that's why we get along so well. But, we'll walk into a place and he'll be singing and stuff and I'm like, God, I can't, I'm now, I am in the public eye because of this guy. And look I don't hate it. I just I can only deal with it for so long throughout the day.

And he knows it. He knows it too. And I've had people How would cry, 

Lana: feel about it? Cry would love it. 

Dave: Cry would've been fine with that. Absolutely. Introduced me to everybody, 'cause that was, but that was a. A thing. And if pe those of you don't know who Cry Is. Cry is my persona that I had when I was this lead singer of a rock band.

And yeah. So that's different though because I had to portray that it's kinda like, it's kinda like we talk about in the podcast, right? We stay logical in the podcast. We don't bring too much emotion into it. And and I'm sure I've had people listen to the podcast girls of Interest in the past and they're like, oh, we are definitely not the right person.

'cause of some of my things that I say in the podcast that's quite a right. Because if you don't get what the podcast is, you're not the right girl for me anyways. 'cause in, in reality, we have to, not that we're portraying people that we're not, but we're being more logical.

We're not bringing too much emotion into it because that's not 

Lana: well 'cause there's enough of it in the world. 

Dave: There's way too much of it in the world. I think that people are making many, I wasn't gonna go that far. I was trying to be 

Lana: nice. 

Dave: I'm not. So I think that the emotion, the emotional fact factor is that people are making decisions based on emotion rather than logic.

And that doesn't make sense to me because Sure. It's good to have emotion. I'm not saying that I'm not an emotional guy. 'cause I am. I'm more emotional than you are. I'm emotional. 

Lana: You're more No, but everybody's more emotional than I'm, 

Dave: I know that's actually 

Lana: not true.

I actually am. I know, but people that really know me Yes. Actually know that's not true. 

Dave: She does have emotion. It's just, she's, she doesn't share it anywhere. While, yeah. You don't share it everywhere until somebody knows you well enough that you feel like you can share it with 'em.

That's fair. 

Lana: That's fair. 

Dave: Yeah. So, but I see people making choices based on just emotion, not thinking about the logic behind it. And like, so if this girl that I'm talking to all of a sudden says to me, you're not, I'm not interested. Then my logic kicks in immediately. First time I go, oh, that's a bummer.

'cause it, it's it'ss. Of course you're disappointed. Yeah, of course. And again, we are just at that point where it's the spark. You know what I mean? It's just begun. So it's not anything that I'm like, invested in or anything like that. Right. So it's something that I'm interested in learning more.

Right, right. And so that is where people should go. Not be like, Ooh, there's a Spock that's my girlfriend, or Ooh, there's a spark that's my boyfriend. And that's, 

Lana: Try so hard to tell people this. 

Dave: It's so insane that people do that. And so I'm in it right now. I'm at that spot. Do you know that? I feel people, 

Lana: I think people are in the world right now.

I think people are just like pretty thirsty. I think just think they're thirsty 

Dave: and that's, I, I never like that word and I think, I don't like that word because of what it represents. I don't like, 

Lana: I mean in the sense that they're just, they feel, I don't know whether they are or not starved for attention, but there are a lot of people who feel like they are.

Dave: Right. Yeah. 

Lana: I don't know whether it's true or not. I think that the perception of that is for them is that they are right. And so it's okay to get attention from someone and say, Hey, this is really cool, and I like getting attention from this person without like, steamrolling this person 

Dave: Right. 

Lana: For more attention.

Like, I can't explain it, but I just feel like, 

Dave: yeah. 

Lana: These people are, they're at their lowest in their gas tank 

Dave: right now. They are. They're running on fumes and they need to find a gas station now. And that's crazy. I see. I've always even in real life when my when I hit a half tank, I fill up.

I'm never running off fumes. I have choices if I'm gonna drive a little further. I used to, when I was younger, I don't anymore. My grandfather used to say, get, when you're younger, 

Lana: you're 

Dave: when you hit it. Yeah. I'm That's 'cause you didn't have money though. 

Lana: You also throw caution to the wind when you're a kid.

Right. Yeah. You don't care about it. Yeah. 

Dave: Yeah. Who cares? I've run outta, I've run outta gas before. Right? Nah I haven't run outta gas. But you know, that 

Lana: meme where they say, are you a or are you B And they show you a gas tank at half on that A and a gas tank at like e with like that little light on.

Yeah. But I'm A all day long. It doesn't make any sense. 

Dave: Oh yeah. 

Lana: No. I'd love to have, I'd like to have options. I've always loved to have options. Yeah. And in the sense that I like to be able to have the time to choose. That's something that makes more sense. 

Dave: That's the only way you get to have options is if you take care of shit at the beginning.

Now we, so, so back to this the, yes, the spreadsheet, the thing here that, so there's a question of timing, right? And that's what we're talking about now. So, right. Why not now? Why is it, why are we not ready? And I'm gonna, I'm gonna use myself as an example in this situation that I'm going through.

Why not now? Here's why. Not now. Because there are circumstances that are in play, whether it's and there's a whole bunch of things you have to look at. Is there a fear of ruining the friendship? No. I'm not worried about that because I'm not that I'm not that person.

Even if she told me tomorrow, I'm not interested in you like that at all. I. I still would be friends with her. 'cause I'm not, right. I'm not trivial like that. Maybe neither one of us are ready yet. I know I'm not ready. I need to learn more. And there's that thing, there's a tipping point at some point where I'll be ready.

I'm not ready. Right. I'm, and I have no idea. 

Lana: And you just let it happen naturally. 

Dave: Right. And also she 

Lana: has probably a lot of the same questions. 

Dave: Hundred percent the same, a hundred percent. We don't. Things that you're looking at, we have to get to know each other first. I think Right. Before we make any kind of decision.

You have the 

Lana: world to do it. 

Dave: Of course I have. And if I die tomorrow, I'm not gonna miss nothing. You know what I mean? No. Sorry. If we die. Yeah, exactly. So people are like, oh, I don't wanna die alone. Oh, you're gonna, I say that nobody, every, nobody, nobodys dying with you.

Nobody likes 

Lana: that. But it's the truth. You, unless you die in a 

Dave: car accident, that's 

Lana: what I say. 

Dave: That's it. We've talked about this before, 

Lana: or unless you were one of the, one of the guys in the in the movie Alive. Or something like that where it's a tragedy of several people like the challenger, 

Dave: right?

Sure. 

Lana: And even then you don't go with them. You all go in probably different places or whatever. Right. But the point is you Right. Not wanting to die alone is a weird phrase. Yeah. It is. That people use. 

Dave: I know. 

Lana: And I think it's a manipulative phrase. I think it's a thought a hundred 

Dave: percent.

What so terminating cliche. So do you really, are you really like, this is what I, this is what I think. And not to dwell on this particular thing here, but when you say, I don't want to die alone, is it because you want somebody to grieve for you when you're, when you die? And so like, 

Lana: don't, it's because people watch too many movies'.

I don't, can't. Right. That's what it's because 

Dave: guess what, when you're dead. You don't know who came to your funeral. You don't know who cried. You don't know. I don't care. 'cause I won't be able to care. 

It's 

Lana: the, I wanna be with somebody in a room and die with them next to me. That I always think that poor person next to you, that what they go through.

Dave: Yeah. No, that's not right. 

Lana: That's not good for them. So anyway. 

Dave: Yeah. 

Lana: Yeah. 

Dave: Yep. So yeah. So 

Lana: that's just me and Dave spinning off on some silly Yeah, we do, we spin off 

Dave: for sure. But that's how this works. So 

Lana: here's the thing I wanna bring up. What about the tension of like what if, right.

Dave: That's a good one. Yeah. 

Lana: Like the uncertainty. 

Dave: That's what I mentioned on a little bit before. Is it just me? Am I wrong? Am I reading signals wrong right now, I generally don't read signals wrong because I'm not desperate to receive them. But you're double checking yourself. I do double check myself.

You're self conscious. 

Lana: Yeah, absolutely. But you're in a position where you're not accurately reading your own what have you. 

Dave: Right. I don't just assume. That, 'cause I'm not a one of those hopeful wishes type of guys. I'm not like one of those guys that goes, oh, I'm hopeful. So this is what it is.

It's not, I think I'm reading it properly. Don't know. I, she may end up listening to this podcast and go, you're out of your fucking mind, dude. And that's okay. And I'll be like, oh shit. And I thought I was pretty good at this stuff. But e either way, like I said, this is all part of the, 

Lana: there's always an unknown element.

Dave: Of course there is. And that's a great, 

Lana: right. So you can't, 

Dave: I love the unknown element. 

Lana: You can't control it. 

Dave: Of course. I, and that's the nice thing about, 

Lana: you don't want to, but 

Dave: Yeah. That's the nice thing about relationships. You don't control them completely. No, you don't. Right. You don't. 'cause there's two people involved.

Right? 

Lana: Exactly. Exactly. 

Dave: So, and that's what I think people forget, when somebody really gets upset. Yeah. So, that's one of the things that, you know if somebody doesn't feel the same way, I feel I, I'll find out.

Right? 

Lana: Right. 

Dave: And that's the exciting part of this whole thing is the unknown, right? I'm going somewhere I've never been before and and so is she. Right. And if all of a sudden I can promise you this, if all of a sudden she said to me, I want to be your girlfriend, I'd be like wait, what? That would be a huge turnoff to me because how do you know that?

Lana: And if she was gonna tell you that she won't now.

Dave: She better not. I'm telling you now, don't do it. No, I know. So, so the thing is that and we've had this conversation before where people try to push shit and that's stupid, man. Let it grow. We're having fun right now.

Right. And even if I'm wrong, I'm still having fun. I'm learning the unknown. I'll find out what the unknown is, trust me, it's just gonna happen. 

Lana: You always do. 

Dave: Yeah, you always do. 

Lana: And I say that, that's why I like being, and it reminds me of being like in, my teenage years, my high school years.

You have this crush on somebody, right? And it's just like this. I personally think the crush stage is exciting. I love it. It is. And when it becomes something other than a crush, it, if it's almost like a letdown, it almost always is 

Dave: Oh 

Lana: less exciting when you finally find out whatever it is Right.

That you find, you need to find out. Yeah. It doesn doesn't mean it's bad, but it may not be as exciting as it is when you didn't know anything. 

Dave: I think acceptance 

Lana: of the possibilities of it, 

Dave: I think acceptance of the possibilities is a huge thing, right? Because in reality, just because I feel the way I feel now and I'm excited about it, doesn't mean that tomorrow I'm gonna wake up, I'm gonna have a conversation with her, or whatever the case is and that's when I realized, nope, not the right one. 

Lana: Of course. 

Dave: But it's all part of it. But I think people assume that can't happen, because if I feel this way now, then I'm gonna feel this way tomorrow. And that's not the case, no. 

Lana: And there are people who don't want you to change the way you feel day to day.

And they're trying to prevent, 

Dave: right? 

Lana: Or they're trying to make you sign up, or they're trying to get you to set it in stone, 

Dave: right. 

Lana: That you're never gonna be feeling different about them. 

Dave: Oh, that used to be the worst thing, especially when I was young. What are you thinking?

Are we gonna be together forever? Yeah. 

Lana: Oh, when you're a kid, when you're young, that kind, 

Dave: I know you have to answer. Yes. 

You had to answer yes to that question. 'cause you couldn't say, I don't know. You, 

Lana: it's also a valid, typical question. 

Dave: I know it is but 

Lana: as you get older, you don't wanna start, I hope nobody's saying that stuff to you now.


Dave: I think it still happens because the reality is I don't know what tomorrow brings. I could be dead tomorrow. Right. Hell, the thing is that, you take things step by step, and as you learn more about that person, that's when the decisions, more decisions can be made.

Right. Right. Like, right. When, yeah. 'cause I barely know her. I know in reality, I don't really know a lot. I know some of her past. I know what she's like today. But I don't know. I don't know any of her, her dreams that she has in life and that could matter a lot. She could be like right, I'm good where I am and I.

I have no idea. Or like some of my ideas, because when I retire I'm opening a farm. You know what if I meet somebody and they go, yeah, I would never live on a farm. I don't like animals. I don't blah, blah, blah. Right, right. I wanna of course, it's like this 

Lana: is the, but this is the process of elimination stuff that you Of course it is, it's 

Dave: gonna happen.

Right. But I like that to go organically too. Right. Of course. And, they'll, and the game that I played except for your 

Lana: tooth or dare, I don't know that's organic. Dave 

Dave: q keep my q and a. That's not organic. That's cutting to the chase. Right? It's when you get to the point where you're like, let's cut to the chase and let's ask some questions.

And that's okay. Because here's the problem though, is I believe wholeheartedly that people lie during that Q and a. 

Yeah, 

Lana: maybe. 

Dave: Sure. I believe that. I've seen it, right? Yeah. So, I remember I was talking to somebody and she was well off. I. And she's like, how come you don't go to a really fancy place or rent a nice apartment or this or that?

And I said, I like where I'm at. I'm comfortable here. And she's like, okay. And so the initial thing was, is like my friends were giving me crap about, staying where I stay and, why don't you get a better place? You can do it. And I said, because that's not how I live.

And I'm simple. It's, this is good for me. I'm satisfied. Right. And I can unplug and leave anytime I choose. Once I rent an apartment, I'm stuck in a lease. That's not what I'm looking for right now in my life. So I, they accepted that. And she's like, oh yeah, they should mind their business, blah, blah, blah.

Two minutes later she's like, I can't believe that you would just stay in a place like that. Aha. Touche. Truth comes out. Right. That was the end of 

Lana: it. That's whatever. That's just yeah. That's just not for you, I guess. Yeah. I just don't, so here's what I don't understand in the dating world, and we'll get back to you in a minute.

Yeah. It's like if you don't like something and it's not for you. Why shit on it. 

Dave: Yeah, exactly. Just move on if it's not like what 

Lana: is what the negative yeah, the negative reviews of things that 

Dave: you wouldn't, first of all, it's your opinion. It has no bearing on my bank account. My, that's what life Im saying, my life, my nothing.

I'm like, why 

Lana: In the dating world, if you're, if something isn't for you, like you open up a profile and as a woman, I'm gonna use this and there's a guy that's looking for a somebody to date, why list everything you don't want in a woman? Why? Right. Complain about, yeah. I don't want anybody that has, I don't want anybody's kids' mothers, and I don't want anybody that's 

Dave: Yeah, 

Lana: that's fat and I don't want anybody, it's kinda like, what is the point of going through all of that?

Yeah. 

Dave: You could do it the other way. I want somebody, because, I have a list and we've done it. In fact, if you, right, and, but you said that 

Lana: You were, you and I talked and you don't really like to list your list. 

Dave: Generally not. Right. Right. I have my list for my own reasons and Bonnie brought that to our attention.

If you haven't heard the podcast with Bonnie WinDor on there, it's fantastic because one of the things that happens to us and we'll be brief because that's all we're talking about today. Yeah. But you literally your frontal lobe, which is decision making part of your brain, literally gets swayed by chemicals that your brain releases dopamine and you are not making good decisions at that point a hundred percent of the time. It's just the way it works. It's amazing. And it's great that our brain does that and it helps us give us time to fall in love truly with somebody. Right. But the problem is then right. 

Yes. Okay. 

Lana: So what Bonnie mentioned was that it's, I got it. You could be swayed. 

Dave: Yes. And 

Lana: you need a 

Dave: list to stick to. Correct. So, yeah, so that's really what I'm trying to say is basically because of those things that happened with the chemicals in my brain, I want to be able to revert back to my list and go, am I being silly?

Right. Because if she's not meeting these things that are very important on my list to me then I would be making a bad choice without knowing it because of the chemicals going on in my brain. It doesn't I agree. It doesn't mean that some of my list could be swayed a little bit because they have been in the past.

Sure. And that's okay as long as it stays. Okay. Right. 

Lana: So, I think what most people do is that they really go by, I like what this person looks like. I like what this person sounds like. Right. They feel like we're good when we're together and yeah, there's some deal breakers on the list, but let's just worry about that later.

Right. And I think both people think if enough investment happens in the relationship, somebody's gonna bend. 

Dave: Yeah. Somebody's gonna change 

Lana: to compromise to the other so that the relationship doesn't end. 

Dave: And we do. 

Lana: And when it does, it's because one person decides they're not gonna bend. 

Dave: Right.

Lana: And so they just postpone the inevitable. That's what I think. Correct. 

Dave: Because, so let's say somebody bends, and we've talked about this in past podcasts. So we won't dwell on this either, but let's say I bend, which I have in the past, I met somebody, she was perfect in every way, except she was not affectionate.

Right? That's one on my list Must be affectionate. 

So, and I was with this person for a long time and I was miserable because I bent, and then eventually I couldn't stay bent because guess what?

We don't stay bent. Right? No. We're humans. We go back to the way we belong and the things that make us happy. So, needless to say, we didn't make it. So the thing is that I think that, in, in reality we have to, we have to look at all these things. 

Lana: It's just better to do that.

Dave: Yeah. 

Lana: Don't get me wrong, organic is nice, but it upfront is good to find out. Yeah. As many deal breakers as you can, or as many, 

Dave: of course. And that's part of the growing organically. Even though you ask questions, those are these, that's what I mean by growing organically, right? So, if a leaf comes out and that leaf looks good, you continue on.

If a leaf comes out and you go that's a deal breaker for me. So be it. That's it. There's another thing here where it's the chemistry versus comfort, right? Now, I don't think this pertains to my situation because there's not a comfort of a friendship already. This is a new friendship too.

So, there, there are questions and we will, you we will look at this at two. If you have a friend and you start having. Feelings for the friend. There's that constant safety of the friendship. And then there's the thrill of romantic potential, right? Right. So a lot of people are like, oh, will that ruin the friendship or will that, but all it is honesty. And honesty is a great thing if you can be honest about the way you feel and it's not gonna ruin your friendship. People are so worried about ruining now. It'll ruin your friendship if you don't accept the outcome. 

Lana: That's what I'm saying. Oh, that was what I was gonna say.

Yeah. That happens. 

Dave: It does. 

Lana: And it may happen with the per, sometimes the person that you're talking to that's not interested in you 

Despite you saying, Hey, I think that our friendship is good enough to survive all this. 

Dave: Right. 

Lana: They may decide they don't wanna continue the friendship because of what's been said.

That's life. 

Dave: Right? Yeah. 

Lana: It's not something you want to happen, but you can't control it if it does. And somebody knowing that you have an interest in them that goes beyond friendship, may not wanna stay friends with you, even though you know it probably won't hurt them in any way. Or, you tell them, Hey, I'm fine with friendship and not nothing else, so don't worry about it.

I can pivot. 

Dave: Yeah. 

Lana: Maybe they might decide that they don't care whether you [00:38:00] can pivot and they'll be the ones that in the relationship, but you can't, it's a bummer when that happens, but you can't. 

Dave: Sure. You don't control it. And that's the thing is first of all, I don't want to control somebody, so I'm not interested in that anyways. If they're not gonna meet my needs on their own. And I do, that's what they bring to the relationship for me. They're meeting my certain needs. I have as a man or as David, that's who I am, and I'm looking for certain things. And if they don't meet those needs, they're not the one for me.

And then we have outside perspective, of course, I've got outside perspective here. People are like, oh, I can definitely see the vibe between you two. And that's, is that important? Not necessarily, because if, and I know her friends see it too, because they've commented on it.

Okay. Okay. So if other people are seeing it, that means it's happening. 

Lana: And 

Dave: it's not. Not 

Lana: just your perception or her perception, it's Right. 

Dave: So, they, these are stages that we go through. 

Lana: Y'all are not just imagining it. 

Dave: Right? Yeah. Right. So, and again, it could be, maybe they see one side of it, maybe they just see my side, and I'm just being forth with you today saying that.

Yeah. I definitely feel a spark, there's no question. In my opinion. Okay. And that's fair. Could I be wrong? Yeah. I could. And that's, but that's life. That is life. 

Lana: So I'd like to play a game called What's the worst that can happen. 

Dave: Exactly. 

Lana: I'm probably gonna get into that with a specific side podcast.

I got one or two that I wanna get into, but Yeah. What's the worst that could happen if you tell somebody that you're interested or you tell somebody that you like being around them and you enjoy their company? Yeah. What is the worst that could happen? You stand up at Toastmasters and you give a toast, or you get on stage and you introduce a band.

What's the worst that could happen? 

Dave: Yeah. 

Lana: And then really try to deal with what the worst that could happen is and say, right, I've got safeguards in place for whatever this thing is that could happen. Like the absolute worst scenario. Right. Because that's what causes like all of this anxiety and frustration and all that kind of stuff gets caused by fear and 

Dave: Yeah. Once you have fear, people get angry. Right? And I see that all the time. Like if somebody doesn't give you what you're looking for, people get mad at them. And it's like, and I will say and we're going back to this relationship I had where she wasn't affectionate. I got mad at her for that.

And I look back at it now that I'm older and I go, what a dink I was. I was mad at her for being who she was. I knew who she was before I chose to be in a relationship with her. I made that decision of being in a relationship with somebody who was not what I wanted. I. Right. And that's my own damn fault.

Why would I get mad at her for it, right? If somebody, 

Lana: oh, accountability. There's something you 

Dave: touche. Accountability. Big one. So if I, let's say one of the things that's a hundred percent killer for me is if somebody's a drug addict or an alcoholic, right? If I get involved with a drug addict, which I have in the past, right?

And I tried to make it work, the only way that it will work is if she changes completely and she didn't. Right? So guess what? It didn't work a hundred percent. And so, that's the thing. So like, let's say I'm talking to this girl that I'm talking to now and I find out that she's, a drug addict.

That game over. It doesn't mean that the flirting will stop. It doesn't mean any of that. But I know there's a limit. I know where, as far as it's gonna go doesn't mean I wouldn't sleep with her. It means that I will not be ever living with her. 

Lana: I am. I will say that my sister and I were having this little conversation today over her dating life, that it's, there may be somebody that you might really like that person and you might get along with them, and everything seems to be really fun and exciting when you're together.

And you may seem to have a lot of the same, but if for some reason there's a one thing that can't manifest or something that can't happen that you need in order to be in a relationship, 

Dave: right. 

Lana: It doesn't make you right. It doesn't make that person wrong. 

Dave: Correct. 

Lana: It just makes it just not for you.

Dave: Right. 

Lana: So my point to her was it doesn't matter whether or not this person meant to be deceptive or meant to,

Dave: it's just who they are. 

Lana: Trick you or meant to be manipulative or whatever. Right. What means? What matters is that, like the outcome of your relationship with this person or your interaction with this person just shows as an overall result that like, it just isn't for you, right. You might like somebody, you wanna talk to 'em all the time about whatever. You may see them, you don't see them enough, or they're not close enough or, yeah. But it just means that you actually, I thought of you in that one time that you said. I dated a girl that made me jealous.

And I said, why? And you said, I don't know. It was just the way I had the reaction I had to her. 

Dave: Right? Yeah. 

Lana: And it wasn't anything she was doing. Nope. 

Dave: But 

Lana: I didn't like the way I felt. 

Dave: Correct. 

Lana: So I ended it. 

Dave: That's right. 

Lana: And it's like, it doesn't really matter. Somebody doesn't have to be up to no good for like it to be wrong.

Dave: A hundred percent. It's, 

Lana: it just has to be like, 

Dave: I was the one, I was the one feeling like that. And she gave me no reason to feel like that. But because I did, I was like this is not a good relationship. I already can tell. Don't like yourself. For me, it's, it, there's something wrong here. And it doesn't mean that she was doing something wrong.

Right. But if I, and I don't I can never explain it. I don't know. I don't. It doesn't matter what I know. If I go into a gas station and I have a gasoline car, diesel is not for me. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's just not, don't put diesel in your car, it'll wreck it. So when I felt like that, I was like, this is not normally how I feel.

'cause I'm very much not a jealous person. Right. But I did feel like that and I was like, this is not good feeling. Ugh. It's close to me. Jealousy is nasty. So that I could never be in that relationship no matter what the reason was. Don't know. I have No, 

Lana: it's because your reaction to her was just something that you did not appreciate, you didn't like, you didn't feel good.

And that's, I was like explaining that to her. Like there doesn't have to be. Right. A specific reason why it just has to be that the energy is not the energy that you vibe with. 

Dave: Correct? Exactly. Exactly. 

Lana: She, she was talking to a couple guys and one of them was like, she's like, I felt like I had to chase him and I felt like I could never tell where if I stood and blah, blah, blah.

And then she ended up talking to this one guy that is extremely comforting and extremely forthcoming. And so she's like, I don't ever have to figure out whether or not he's interested in me or where I stand, or like, I don't have any of those questions with this guy. And I'm like, so that, to me that sounds like that's a need of yours.

You need somebody to reassure you. You need somebody to let you know, and in, in this case, the particular guy that you're with, he gives you that, so you don't even need to look for it. To me that's. That's a sign that this is a vibe and energy that works well for you. Right. As opposed to somebody that you're up in the air, you're anxious, you don't know what ev what's going on minute to minute.

Dave: Right. That's no good 

Lana: Want somebody like, that's 

Dave: good. No, that's no good. 

Lana: Even if they're not, even if they are into you, but there's some, there's a specific way they can communicate with you that 

Dave: Yeah. Doesn't work. Look, your feeling, your feelings are very important, and 

Lana: your needs are, 

Dave: yeah your needs in the feelings that you have. If you have like strange feelings about somebody 

That's not, that's no way to be. You know what I mean? 

Lana: Yeah. It's just, yeah. It's not gonna get any better. 

Dave: No, it's not. 

Lana: I don't think those things get any better. 

Dave: No, it really doesn't.

Of course, if you know somebody really well, if you build that friendship first right? Then, I know what this person's all about and if I'm feeling like that, maybe I could work on it. Maybe it's a childhood trauma of mine that I haven't fixed yet. Or something like that's different.

But again, at the beginning, if if something makes you feel like that, then that's, yeah. That's not, that's not it. 

Lana: Why bother? There's no good, 

Dave: no, 

Lana: it does. No good can come from it. It doesn't seem like 

Dave: now we good? 

Lana: In your case, you are building a relationship or at least a friendship.

Dave: Yeah. I'm building something. Right. It is a relationship. 'cause a friendship is a relationship. You know how I feel? You build a relationship and it grows to where it's gonna grow. Whether it, it grows, wherever it goes whether it's romantic, sexual, whatever the case is, I don't know. And that's the excitement about this, right?

There's definitely a spark there. So it's gonna go somewhere where I have no idea it could go right in the garbage. I have no idea. But that's the exciting part, is that, I think that today in society we look at things too. Like, this is where I want it to go. And nothing goes directly where you want it to go.

No. That's like putting a horse in the field and saying, go right there. The horse is not gonna go right there. It is gonna go where it's gonna go. It may end up there, but it's, 

Lana: that's called, you put helium in a balloon, you let the balloon go. Right. Once you let it go, you can't get it back.

You can't change it direction. That's right. You can't do anything. 

Dave: There's nothing you're gonna do about it. 

Lana: You just let go of it and walk away. You gotta let, just gotta, like, 

Dave: That's it. 

Lana: And so what is your next step, Dave? What do you think? So, so that's it, you wanna do next? 

Dave: So, yeah, so the question is, so my next step personally is just gonna be let it grow to where it's gonna grow.

There, there are some issues that we talked about earlier that need to be looked at first to see if we can even take it to a next step. I don't know that yet. So for me, the next step is just to continue doing what we're doing and just see where it naturally grows. And I think that's important.

And I, and yeah, I think. And I wish people listening to this, I wish the listeners would re hopefully they get something out of this. And that's why I wanted to share this today, because I'm going through it right now. And this is the way that I would handle it. And this is the way I am handling it.

And I think more people need to handle it like that. 'cause it would have better relationships or not. Right. Less bad ones anyways. Right. 'cause if they're not willing to step 

Lana: well, to get people to understand first that like the relationship should just organically go where it goes without trying to make it into, trying to punch it into this box, trying to punch it into that box saying I see this online all the time. This drives me crazy. And if you're somebody who posts this stuff, I'm sorry. But get 'em before they get you and don't ever let 'em see you sweat. And like these, there's these, all this this.

Animosity towards like, people who you think are out to get you. That's, there's a whole lot of that online where people are worried about what other people are up to or don't, they're don't, right. People that don't clap for you and people who don't support you. And like, it's just kinda like, can you just let it go and just live your life?

Dave: Yeah. It and especially in a relationship, right? Like this thing that I'm doing it doesn't matter to me what other people's opinion of it is. It doesn't matter to me. Where it ends up. It doesn't matter to me today. Right. Right. So it, it's kinda like I'm living my life.

She's living her life. And then we have this kinda little connection that we live together. It's very small, it's tiny. It's not like. It's not like I'm looking at it as 

Lana: The smoke before the flame starts coming up. It's 

Dave: That's what it is right there. There's a little, there's a little bit of smoke happening here and I'm enjoying it.

And hopefully she is too. And whether she is or isn't has no bearing on anything yet. You know what I mean? It doesn't, because if she's not, or she doesn't want that, or let's say her future doesn't, can't include me, that's quite okay. That means that we'll end up friends. 'cause me I keep friends and if I have a connection with somebody, I maintain that friendship.

Lana: I'm living 

Dave: regardless .. 

Lana: proof of that. 

Dave: Yeah. Exactly. Everybody thought that you and I were dating, they thought that because we get along and we talk so much so we turned it into a podcast and 

Lana: I still get that. Do you know people still say how, I don't understand why you guys just couldn't date.

I know. And you always bring up the it's 'cause Lana's not affectionate. That's not actually not true. Let me say this. That's actually not true. I actually am, I'm just not 

Dave: Right. 

Lana: Yeah. I'm not out of the gate. Real affectionate. 

Dave: Right, right. Yeah. No, 

Lana: eventually I am. 

Dave: Yeah. No, 

Lana: with the person I'm with, 

Dave: listen I forced her into hugging me.

Trust me when I tell you. Yeah. Is she, every time I see her, I give her a hug and she's like, I, for Christ sake, but it's all in. 

Lana: But I, bust balls. 

Dave: She does. She does. And she, I really did. She does have affection. I've seen it. And she's a very caring person. I've seen that. 

Lana: I'm pretty ride or die 

Dave: on the Yes.

Lana: My good friends that know me 

Dave: exactly. On the outside. Okay. So I'll give you an example. 

Lana: Mm-hmm. 

Dave: I Went and stayed. I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to the listeners. You already know the story. Don't. Mm-hmm.

Lana: Fine. I'll drink my coffee. 

Dave: So. When at one point I was so I was staying with my dad when he was sick and I couldn't stay there anymore.

I'm like, I just can't. I needed to get the hell outta there. I needed space. And she's like, I got an extra room. Why don't you come stay here for a while? So I did and I was staying there for a few weeks anyway, or whatever it was, maybe a couple months, but I didn't stay there every night. I stayed there sometimes.

And, but I had clothes there and do you know, Lana loves me so much that she bought a house. Now I left there and I left some clothes there and some other things, and I totally forgot about 'em. Yep. And now I'm up the North Shore. She's in Rhode Island. So it wasn't easy for me to go down there and get it, especially when I was working so much.

I just didn't have, there wasn't enough time in the day. She moved to a house that she bought and brought my stuff there. Is it still there? Yes. That seat now that's a friend, right? 

Lana: You went to the dry cleaner. You have bags and bags of clothes. They're all sealed up. Clean, all folded.

And they're in a bag. And he put those in my closet. And they're still in that bag. I didn't take 'em outta there. They're still clean. 

Dave: Right. 

Lana: So I still Have, I stacked them under my bed in the bags. 

Dave: Now. This has been, how long has it been? Let's share. It's gotta be at least two years. 

Lana: It was when I got Tuk 

Dave: That's right.

Lana: It was Tucson. 

Dave: That's right. 

Lana: He's going on five and a half years old. Or he is five and a half. 

Dave: Oh my. So my, my clothes have been with Lana for five and a half years. 

Lana: Yes. 

Dave: And she's left me enough to keep those clothes. And I 

Lana: got my dog in October of '19. 

Dave: And that's when I was, that's when I was staying with her.

'cause Tuk was a little puppy. Yeah. Yep. And yep. And so that's, I gotta come get my clothes. I'm sorry. 

Lana: You do, but you listen, put your friend over there, your loud singing dunkin donuts friend. 

Dave: Right? Yeah. 

Lana: Throw him, tell him to throw some damn wood pellets in a truck. 

Dave: Oh, yeah. Yeah. 

Lana: And you guys drive down to me.

I'm shorting bags. Anyways, so you come, you guys drive down to me. I'll give you your clothes, 

Dave: we'll give you some pellets. Pizza pizza. Yeah, 

Lana: you'll bring me some pellets. I'll pay him for whatever the heck it is that he wants me to pay him for. Probably. Hopefully it's cheaper than what I normally pay.

Dave: It's definitely would be cheaper. If anything he's not, 

Lana: you get to see the dog because he, I think he might have forgot who you are by now. 

Dave: Oh, I know. That's been a long time. So I

Lana: know it sounds like Dave and I are in the same room. 'cause we're so technologically 

Dave: right. 

Lana: Savvy. 

Dave: We're both in tech so if we don't sound like we're in the same room, then we suck. Yes. So, but in reality this is this is an interesting thing. But in reality, Lana is a great woman. And she's, she's obviously, because we're so close, she's kept my clothes for that long. No yet. So, yeah.

Lana: What was I gonna do with them? 

Dave: I don't know. Most people would've thrown 'em away by now and been like, screw yourself. You ain't picking them up. They're garbage. 

Or they gave 'em to a guy they were dating or something like that. I don't know. 

Lana: They belong to, they your clothes. I know.

So I still have Look it, see that? That's all your comforter. Bed Street. See all that right there? 

Dave: Oh yeah. 

Lana: That's still, it's like been to the dry cleaners a million times, but it's what I put on the spare bed. 

Dave: Yeah. Yeah. Why, yeah, that's, that stays there though. That's not mine. I know. Yeah.

But still, yeah, no. Yeah. I forgot. 

Lana: I have reminders. 

Dave: See, that's it. It's been through the dry cleaner a lot, so it doesn't smell like me anymore. So she's not, can't enjoy that. 

Lana: It's smells like the dog now. 

Dave: Right. He's bigger than me 

Lana: now 

I throw up my, I have brand new washer and dryer, so now it all just goes in there.

But yeah, 

Dave: that's phenomenal. So, oh boy. We're at that time. 

Lana: We're at that time. 

Dave: We're at that time. 

Lana: We're running out of time 

Dave: and yeah. 

Lana: Do we wanna say anything to wrap this up? 

Dave: So, no, I think like you, I think you did with the next steps and to me the next steps should be Now there are other questions too.

Now, you may be in a situation where you are ready for that next step and I think maybe just have a conversation if you feel like it's the next step, you can straight up say to the person, Hey is this something that you feel as well? Is this, something you want to look into?

Lana: Because what's the worst that can happen? 

Dave: Correct. Nothing. I already know in this, in, in this situation, there are things that would prevent us from moving forward at this particular point. And that's okay 'cause I don't think either one of us are at least, I'm not there yet.

Right. So it's not that crucial. But if you are in a situation, have the confession. Have the confession talk. It's not a, it's not gonna kill you. And then you have a choice of just letting it continue and see where it goes on its own. And 

Lana: or somebody will bow out and that's life.

Dave: Right. And 'cause sometimes you wait too long, the other person's gonna think you're not interested or vice versa. Or if you jump too soon, you could push somebody away like me, when somebody starts jumping at things and trying to move things along. I hate that more than anything. It's just like, yeah, let it just go.

It'll get there. You know. 

Lana: Once the, to me, once you have an established like interest and both of you are aware of it, then Yeah. I don't why you would rush it into 

Dave: Yeah, you don't have to. It's just, it's gonna go where it's gonna go. You can't force it. So anyway I've been, David,

Lana: I. Have been Lana, I'm hoping to get Bonnie on for part two. That will be fantastic. Yeah, she's been a little busy, but I did let her know. And so I think it will be an April podcast. But that would be great. We'll see what happens. That would be great. www.lanaanddave.com. That's our website. All our podcast platforms are there. Our social media platforms, including YouTube. 

Dave: Yay. YouTube in all of Lana's hard work. Let's hear it for Lana's Hard work. Oh, wait, do I have the uh...

Lana: oh, boy. 

Dave: Do I have it? I don't know if I have it or not. I sure don't. I don't have 

Lana: your applause.

Dave: I don't have any applause. Is it, are you kidding me? I don't have applause on here. 

Lana: You worked hard on that, dude. 

Dave: I did, but we'll give you this instead. I. 

Lana: Oh, okay. 

Dave: Sorry. 

Lana: Great. 

Dave: Yeah. We'll sexually harass you instead of giving you an applause. 

Lana: Oh, gee. Thanks. I appreciate it.

Dave: I applaud you for that. That was fantastic. And yeah, a lot of hard work, so I appreciate it. I throw listeners, do you, 

Lana: when you subscribe to YouTube, you can of course watch a lot of people are YouTube people and that's it. They don't wanna do anything else, right? So there should be a good community there.

However, you can leave us comments under the video there, which sure is a little different than Yeah. Now. And then there's also there is a way to send us messages under our podcast platform. No matter what it is you use. There is now an area where it says, send a message. 

Dave: Oh, that's great.

Lana: Can send a message and it sends it to us. 

Dave: And you know what else you can do? You can buy us a coffee. 

Lana: You can buy us a coffee. 

Dave: Cause we like coffee. And that's what is that? You do it. Say it.  You, I forget it. 

Lana: Buy me a coffee.com/lana and Dave. 

Dave: Yes. And 

in case you don't know how to spell Lana. It's LANA.

And just look at the podcast title. You know how to spell it.

Yes. You guys have, oh,

Lana: we're listening to it. You already know how to spell it 'cause it's, yeah, already on your screen. 

Dave: That's right. You guys have a fantastic rest of the month and we'll see you next month. 

Lana: Yes. All right. 

Dave: Bye everybody. 

Lana: Bye-bye.