...unless you have somewhere to be. But I do wanna get into this. real quick. We were talking before the podcast about value and I really want to get into this cause this seems like a topic that's interesting and something that I want to see if we can get feedback from [01:02:00] listeners. ~Being the Not ~being the selfie generation, being Gen X. I find selfies to be just ~disjointed and odd and weird.

Alright, so and we talked about this. If ~the ~both of us, Dave and I, let's say we meet on a Dating site. He's hey, I like ~you ~how you look and I'm like, oh, whatever. We both decide we're gonna talk and meet and we've both seen each other. We know what each other looks like from videos or let's say I sent him a full length picture.

He sends me one, whatever it is so that we get. Right. 

Dave: Yeah. I'm gonna do that from now on. That's a good idea. I'm gonna say, can you send me a full body picture? 

Lana: Height, ~let's ~for men, if you're 5'7 you want to tell people you're 6 feet, ~that's gonna, not gonna, ~that's gonna back up on you at some point.

Dave: Yeah, as soon as you show up at the date. 

Lana: So ~if you, ~listen, ~if you're 5 ~if you're 5'7 ~if you, ~what they call, if you're a short king, right? 

Dave: Is that what they call them? Short kings? 

Lana: That's the word. If you short kings out there if you are [01:03:00] 5'7 Fucking be 5'7. 

Dave: That's right. 

Lana: You got to go to the gym. You don't have a choice. It makes you feel better, whatever the case may be, which a lot of short guys do, by the way. Sure, gym fanatics. And that works for them, whatever. But what I'm saying is, you are you, and to get more women at 5'7, It doesn't make sense. What you really need to do is find your demo.

People that are interested 

Dave: in you. 

I like that. Yeah. What's wrong with it? 

Lana: That's it. Be who you are, and people who like that. Now, I guess it's possible to be who you are and have absolutely nobody in the world like that, but that's really fucking unusual and probably not gonna happen. 

Dave: That's not gonna be the case.

Lana: If you're, whatever your thing might be I don't want him to know I'm 5'7 so I'm gonna try to make myself look An example of this, and a perfect live example of this, would be Kevin Bacon, who I've actually met. And up until the time I met Kevin Bacon, I thought he was fucking 6 feet tall.

Because they shoot him like that. 

Dave: Yeah. Yes, they do. 

Lana: Now, they don't anymore like they used to, but ~when they ~when we were kids ~Kevin Bacon looked like ~

Dave: Kevin bacon looked tall. 

Lana: They did something where they put steels on or [01:04:00] whatever they did. 

Dave: Who else looked tall what the hell was his name?

Lana: Probably Tom Cruise. 

Dave: Tom Cruise, 100%. I always thought he was a tall guy until 

Lana: He's like 5'6 I think, he's like my height. 

They literally put him They did, they put him on milk crates. They did, I've seen stories about that. And, personally, I think Tom Cruise has his own Issues, so I'm sure probably part of that was him demanding to be looking taller, right?

Cuz he didn't want anybody to see him look short or he has his own ego and pride and whatever But yeah, my thing they're trying to do 

Dave: that was a thing they did back in the day, too ~They did made them men ~

Lana: Kevin Bacon is like what in person is one of the most unassuming people you'll ever meet as a matter of fact if he's Walking through a store.

Yeah, probably wouldn't even like he's like that. He's just Real quiet, real down to... really nice guy, but he's not hi, I'm Kevin Bacon. The way that he shows up in movies is nothing like he whatever, presents in real life. The point is be who you are. Obviously you want to be on social media and you want to make sure that you play to your strengths.

But don't make your strengths so much of a representative that it doesn't represent you anymore. [01:05:00] So I say to Dave, alright, here's my full length picture. Dave goes like this, Hey, I dig that shit. I'm like, alright. And I find out, Dave's, what are you, 5'10 

Dave: No, I'm 6'0 

Lana: 6'0 

Dave: Okay. 

Lana: I don't fucking know.

I don't pay attention, cause But I'm like, alright, I'm good with that. You never know. Some women might not like tall guys. ~I don know. ~Guys think all women want that. Maybe some don't. I 

Dave: don't. Yeah, no. Yeah. 

Lana: So we go through all of that and then Dave and I are just doing our usual thing. I get up and Dave goes, good morning.

Beautiful. Or whatever the fuck you would normally say, . 

Dave: It depends. 

Lana: I hope not because 

Dave: it depends. 

Lana: If anybody knows me they'll notice that when I read that, my eyes roll, I go, oh God. 

Dave: Yeah. She's gonna roll her eyes and go, ~yeah. ~

Lana: ~We got one of these, ~here we go, another one of these good morning, it doesn't even matter if you say ~good ~beautiful, even good morning in general, like, why?

To me a conversation is an ongoing thing, and so every time you say good morning, it's like saying hello all over again, like that dude in~ 50 dates ~50 first dates. Oh yeah. That guy Tom, that 10 second Tom guy. Yep. In the middle of the Conversation he goes. Hi, I'm Tom. It's ~that's ~what it feels like to me every time somebody said to me Good morning.

Good night, whatever [01:06:00] we're talking and we're jiving with each other And then all of a sudden Dave sends me like a picture of him in front of his RV and I go like this Okay. We were talking about Turtles, so this is weird because I don't know. Yeah. ~Yeah, ~he sends me a picture front of his RV like I don't know What I'm supposed to do with this picture now, yeah, 

Dave: I might send you a picture of a turtle that I like 

Lana: that makes total sense.

Dave: ~Yeah, or I would order ~

Lana: ~stuff is ~

Dave: ~weird ~Yeah, it is a little strange and again, we're in the digital world today So people I know here's where I am and it's look I will send pitches of what I sent pitches of when somebody says oh, what'd you have for supper?

Cause I take pictures of me cooking. Like my food stuff. But Dave, that's an answer to the question. That makes sense. ~Yeah, exactly. ~Or I'll send a picture and be like, Oh, look, I just made a steak. Part of the conversation. That is, I understand that, but you're right. If you 

Lana: send me a sick picture of you staying in front of something or just a picture of you general what are you looking for?

So I don't have a problem with that per se, but there's no way as a [01:07:00] curious person, I ain't going to fucking ask. And then when I ask it, it's a big. To do that goes on with the other person asking me why I'm asking and then it goes down this rabbit hole of What do you mean? What am I doing? And it's just like dude, you just sent the picture Are you gonna tell me you didn't do that?

Okay. Yeah, I did why and why does it mean I'm telling you it's wrong that you did it. I'm asking I'm genuinely asking Yeah, what is it what you want? If I don't what does the 

Dave: picture represent? That's all you asking Really? 

Lana: I go like this. The only thing I can do that doesn't cause offenses is What am I looking for in this picture?

Dave: What am I looking at? 

Lana: Okay. This is a picture of me. Yeah, I know, but I've already seen twelve pictures of you. I, it's not like I I wanted a picture of you because I don't know what you look like, because we've gotten past this point. We're now aware of this. And don't get me wrong, my interaction is always informational.

It's never to bond. That's a very different thing. Hi, how are you? How's the weather? Hey, what's going on? Hey, what are you eating tonight? That's fucking bonding conversation. I get that I have to do it. I'd be honest with you, it makes me want to pull my fucking hair out. I hate it. But [01:08:00] I get that this is kind of part of it.

As long as it doesn't go on forever, I don't care. When you send me just like a random picture, here's me in my, I'll Date a guy that's like a guy that's fucking working in construction. Here's me in my Caterpillar, but why are you showing this to me? So I have to come back and go do you think that I was worried that you didn't have a job?

And like maybe I was, I needed like a show and tell from you? I and maybe my over analyzation of people is a little bit Like blunt in forward, but I don't ~want to cut through I ~want to cut to the chase I don't want to have to sugarcoat my question. So I'm just okay you I Let's the elephant in the room is that we were having a conversation and then you sent me a picture and like I don't know Why you did why wouldn't I ask you?

Dave: ~Yeah, what is it? ~What am I looking at? ~I thought you might ~

Lana: ~well, ~I thought you might want to see me in the morning I'm like maybe I would have told you that like I'm definitely not shy I would've fuckin asked for it. I would've said, show me a picture of you. 

I'm not subtle. 

Dave: Or at least have a caption, right?

A caption. I [01:09:00] literally have a picture of me first thing in the morning with my hair all sticking up and I'm making a thumbs up, and people are like, I love that picture and I go, that's what I look like in the morning, just a heads up. So if we ever do end up in a relationship and you wake up next to me that's what I'm going to look like.

Lana: But that's your context. Like you're actually giving context. There's context. Also, it's a dating site picture, which is a different thing because 

Dave: it's 

Lana: in a lineup of pictures, which you're supposed to do, right? But if we're just talking and. Somebody says I sent you a picture of me because I figured you'd send me a picture of you, and I'm like there's two negatives for me right there.

I don't know what one, I didn't know I don't want a picture of you, and two, I'm not sending you a picture of me, so none of this is anything I wanted to participate in at all. But Dave I was telling Dave this. He was saying something like if I date a stripper, or if I date somebody that is in the sex industry, or ~does, ~has an OnlyFans, or something like that, I'm not gonna probably consider her as a marriage material.

And there's a whole reason for that, including the Madonna Whore Syndrome, which we won't get into. But, ~it's, ~it is what it is. And that's fine. And then he started to [01:10:00] say if there's this beautiful woman in front of me, naked, and she gets to bed with me, I'm honored by that. I'm going to, am I paraphrasing?

Am I getting it right? Close. 

Dave: Yeah. Pretty close. 

Lana: And I said, what's the difference? If she's out sharing herself with everybody else, and I'm like, there's that word sharing this sharing, what is that concept, right? 

Dave: So the, it's not so much about the sharing and I can elaborate a little more, it's the fact that when, okay for example. Where does that line get drawn, right? In other words there there is a line that if you But what line is this? It depends on the person. On your choice of the line, right? So my, my line might be a little different than others. I may be like, I don't know if anybody knows.

You do. I used to date a porn star. So there was a line, right? That I, and it was pretty far lined because, that's porn. 

Lana: But that's what the guys in music don't they? 

Dave: Yeah, we, that, yeah. And then after a certain period of time, I started looking at her, and I was very attracted to her.

And I got to the point where it was like, okay, now we're living together, she's not, Doing porn [01:11:00] anymore, but she's still stripping. And then I was looking at her body going, that is a beautiful body. And I feel honored that I get to see that every day, but so does everybody else. So to me, that's nothing special for me.

It's not so weird. I just don't but okay when you're in a relationship with somebody There's got to be some things that you only share with each other not everybody else 

Lana: Otherwise weird because that concept is lost on me as a person, 

Dave: but I don't understand that what it's so so wait again Where do you draw the line?

Is it? 

Lana: Okay, you know me I mean, I would take guys that are hot and put them on a fucking stage. ~So that's I'd actually try to convince him to strip, ~so that's, I really don't, I'd love to share what I have with the world, cause they're not getting what I'm getting, so it doesn't make, I don't feel like what people see makes any difference.

Dave: Okay, so you just said it, they're not getting what I'm getting, what if they are? What if they are? 

Then that means he's sleeping with everybody else, so that's not a relationship, we're not together. 

Okay but ~we're ~so where's the line? To me it's ~so ~if everybody sees my penis, is it special to you?

No. No, 

Lana: it's not special to me anyway. , 

Dave: I know that's the only one, but you know what? You know what I'm talking about. ~So that's the thing ~

Lana: ~I don't get ~

Dave: ~okay. ~The reason I bring [01:12:00] that up, you're rare, by the way, 

because most women do care ~really rare. ~I know you're rare. 

Lana: I literally would put a guy that I was dating on a stage ~to, ~to rake money in.

And you can talk to a couple of my ex-boyfriends 'cause they've been asked and one of them has been, I put one of them in a loin cloth and made 'em fucking serve drinks. Don't you know? Hey, I don't want to be greedy about my hot guy 

Dave: Okay, so yeah, ~no, ~but 

Lana: why shouldn't I share? Look how cute this dude is Why should I keep him in a fucking closet?

Doesn't make any sense. 

Dave: Yeah, But again, like I said, you're rare you talk to I would talk to 99 percent of all women and they would be like, oh hell No, 

Lana: And then it's me as a matter of fact, yeah, even I will say we'll Have had this conversation and you can ask several people I've dated if you can find any How many of them i've dragged to strip clubs?

And women who have been how can you drag a guy to a strip club? And some chick comes along and she's naked ~and i'm like ~and 

Dave: You're looking at a woman too. [01:13:00] So that is a little bit different. And yeah, you're right There are women that don't like it 

Lana: There are women who think that i'm like parading naked women in front of a guy that i'm with and that's going to change my relationship 

Dave: It as well it shouldn't. it should definitely not. 

Lana: I am extremely, like I said before, I'm intrinsically motivated and maybe because I'm a dismissive avoidant, which means a lot of things.

~I don't attribute attraction, excuse me, ~I don't attribute that kind of behavior to whether or not I don't want to say this. This isn't like a gauge of the health of my relationship. It doesn't even have anything to do with that to me. Now, I don't date guys who would be changed by that.

Which is why most of them won't go with me in the first place. to a strip club and I gotta beg them, come on, why not? I don't, just don't like that whole thing. I don't know. Most guys I date don't care for strip clubs anyway. And I'm like but this is Now I think I'll tell you, I think I've told you about this, but I have a friend, who I'll not name, and his wife, who, when I [01:14:00] was in tech school, and we were going through our degree together, every time we'd get our grades back, we'd go out and go drinking when we got good grades, right?

Every time our quarter came back. At one point, somehow or other, we ended up going, down this road of going to strip joints. And the reason we did was because I was in tech class with a bunch of guys and I was the only girl. And for some reason they thought I would be offended if they all went to a strip joint and it was like, Oh no, in fact, I know some people in strip joints and I could probably get us in for free.

And they were like, Oh, and a long story short we've taken, we went to a strip club a few times where most of the men ducked out of the strip joint experience because their girlfriends at home might smell somebody's perfume and it's okay, you talk a big game, but now where are you? We're all going home.

Dave: I got a question for you and I'm sure the listeners are interesting to know in this too. So what is your motivation to take your boyfriend to a strip club? What do you, what are you trying to gain [01:15:00] or see or? 

Lana: Me, probably ~just to mix it up. ~

Dave: Just to mix it up. Okay. 

Lana: Just to mix it up. Like I it's not it's not like something that like, if you don't go with me, I'll break up with you.

It's just like a, hey, it's usually a a novelty thing. If 

Dave: I've had boyfriends and we've gone to areas where Strip clubs should be novelty things, I think. If you go every day, you have a problem. 

Lana: Exactly. It's almost oh one of my ex boyfriends, lives down in Florida and we were not far from Miami, and I was, or we were in Fort Lauderdale, and I was like, and I'm in the business, so maybe that's it too, because it doesn't phase 

Dave: me.

So 

Lana: it's oh, I've heard about blah blah blah club in Fort Lauderdale, I've heard about club blah blah in Miami, since we're 20 minutes away and we're drinking, why not fucking go and hang out? Sure, yeah, and have somebody say to me. No, I don't want to do that I don't know.

It's come on. I'm like i'm only in this i'm only down We're only down here for a week or whatever, 

Dave: right? 

Lana: It's mostly just something fun to do for me. Like it just doesn't 

Dave: Yeah, and I think it's because I mean you've been in that not i'll buy a guy I just 

Lana: don't care. These women aren't coming.

They're not women that are coming home, right? Nope, I get that all of them probably look at guys i'm with and [01:16:00] go. I don't know. Fuck him with that, dude I can't be bothered unless he gives me some money. So like it doesn't There's no self esteem issue for me. But anyway we got in, we, one night we were out and one of them, like I said, we're both in tech and we're still good friends and we were talking about these guys and their girlfriends and wives and whatever.

And this one guy says to me I can't tell my wife I'm here. And I said why not? And he goes, cause then she'll want to come down. When the last time I went to a strip joint, my wife was with me. We took, we ended up bringing somebody home and I'm like, I need to meet your wife immediately.

~I need to wait to meet her immediately. ~He goes, are you sure? Because if we call her, it's gonna be an all night thing. I'm like, oh, absolutely. He calls her, she comes down, she comes over, she kisses him, she gives me, he goes here, he gives her a wad of one, she goes, thank you, she walks away, she sits in front of the stage and goes like this.

And I'm making a face where I'm looking up. And she's throwing, dollars, and at some point she's Yeah, get over here. No, I think you need to, and, no, open that up, and all this other stuff, right? I'm [01:17:00] like, your wife is I love her! And he goes, oh my god, I just don't want to go home with some chick, some random chick, because this is what happened, some chick showed up at my house.

And I'm like, that's the best, because any time you go out with a guy, it's usually my wife will kill me. 

And in his case, it was like, Oh, if she gets wind of this I won't be able to reign her in. 

Dave: Yeah. I've seen that. I've been at strip clubs and women, because they can be a lot more dirty with the women than a guy can.

And they do. I've seen it. I was like, geez. But I'm like, 

Lana: I love her because their marriage is such that He's more worried about her what she's doing. 

Dave: Yeah, ~she ~they trust each other and that's why 

Lana: yeah And so they have this really there's probably four or five couples I know that are really the best couples I've ever met and these two are one of my favorite couples where they're just cool Like that and I ran into her ~I ~this bar I was working at for about four years or and I don't right now but probably at the end of last year they came in and They came in to dance or whatever.

It was like his birthday I think or something [01:18:00] And she comes over to me and I start telling the story to some people I know about how ~she's I ~she comes into the strip joint and blows me away and like I think she's the best thing ever ~She's ~it's been a while since we've been to a strip joint I think we need to go back right and i'm like, okay let's make it you know, let's set it up or whatever but it's like I love moments like that because I don't like typical stuff.

I don't like usual stuff. I like something where oh 

Dave: Is that on your dating profile? And if we get along really well, I will take you to a strip club. 

Lana: If ~I put one there and ~I put that there, I bet you any money, somebody would like, think it was a trap or something. I don't think they would think I was, I don't know.

Dave: They probably would. Especially today, cause the guys are petrified of traps. Yeah, they would just probably be like, Oh my God. That was actually something that when ~I, so I looked for ~I looked for something about, some struggles with dating. And there are a lot of testings.

Which I think is ridiculous. Don't test me, don't create drama just to see how I handle it. That's terrible because I don't handle drama. I don't like it. And if you create drama, I'm gone. 

Lana: That's the story I brought up in one of our past podcasts about my friend who was dating two guys [01:19:00] and threw something out on the phone to see what both of them would say.

Dave: Yeah, that's terrible. 

Lana: And I was just so the guy that failed, did he know he was being That's unfair. And ~the ~what this guy did in response to what you said was like, typically normal. ~It was totally, ~it was actually like a respect of your privacy. 

Dave: Yeah. 

Lana: With the way that he handled this long story.

Like I said, go back, I don't know which episode it is, but we did talk about that. Testing is crazy to me. And when I learned all about attachment styles recently, I did some coursework about my attachment style. And I learned that there are. Certain two attachment styles that actually don't like consistent, constant smooth, peaceful Because they don't know anything about that.

And they, I've, I learned that I'm the type that can't wait to get to that point. Cause I hate volatility. I don't like it. 

Dave: Yeah. Yeah. I'm with you on that. That's probably why I've been single for so long. Because I, I don't want all that game [01:20:00] playing and stuff. I'm I just don't I won't play it I get it to some degree the beginning 

Lana: you have to learn each other and you have to understand what works and ask questions how To fall into your dynamic and yes communicate a lot But there's a point in time where the honeymoon stage wears off 

Dave: course, 

Lana: and I actually learned like psychologically.

I crave that period I want that. I want that part where we're done with the beginning. I've had several boyfriends that I've explained to this in the honeymoon stage that have gotten pissed off at me about it. Where I'm yeah, we're up until 4 every night talking and we're having sex 15 times a day, but we need to do our laundry at some point.

And at some point we're gonna have to go back to our schedule. This has to level off because this is life. 

Dave: ~And ~I think that happens a lot. I think, I want that. I do too. I prefer that. The honeymoon stage, 

Lana: Some people keep trying to rattle it up when it comes down because they can't handle the, you're absolutely right.

Yeah. 

Dave: And to me, peacefulness in a relationship is what I strive for, right? ~It's ~I want to just sit on the couch, not talk to each other, hold hands [01:21:00] and just watch a movie. You know what I mean? So I don't, but we do. And I think the problem is that you're right. I think that 

Lana: it's a brain thing, we have literally say, 

Dave: it is your brain.

Lana: Our podcast about it comes from childhood. When you're a kid, how your caregivers treat you and respond to you has a lot to do with every fucking thing you do when you grow up. Unless you have some type of therapy or coursework or you do something about your origins, like Dave was saying, where you get your Behaviors from right and why 

Dave: and at least understand those it's wonderful to be able to understand We just come from 

Lana: you can't change shit that you don't know 

Dave: no you can't yeah 

Lana: there's reasons why I do what I do But for the people that crave that roller coaster ride there the stomach flip and that's different from attraction I think attraction is another story, but 

Dave: yes 

Lana: the point where your relationship should be comforting And in my case, I love routine.

I want routine. I want stability. I want, this is all stuff that I find attractive [01:22:00] and I want it. So when I tell somebody, I can't wait to get to the stage of that's going to happen and somebody saying to me it should never be un-exciting. always be exciting and it's you can't fucking deal with that.

Dave: You can do things that make it exciting, but it's not going to be an everyday look. 

Lana: But not where you're worried about the relationship is going to end or not. Every five minutes. 

Dave: I know that's terrible 

Lana: to go through that. 

Dave: Listen, we've talked about this in the past where I had that woman that was a lawyer.

And she was all, ~she, all she, ~every time we would go on a date, all she wanted to talk about is where we are in our future. And I'm like, Oh my God, this is such a mundane, let's get to know each other. Like we can't even have a conversation without talking about us as together and yeah, great. We're together right now.

I need to learn about you as a person, and you need to learn about me as a person. 

Lana: The couple can't be like the only thing that matters. 

Dave: No, it can't. 

Lana: The individual pieces matter, and those are also just as important. As a matter of fact, those are more important in the beginning, because you're trying to 

Dave: of course. Bridge some kind of So I do this thing, and I think everybody should do it. I do this thing, when [01:23:00] I first meet somebody, I say, and it's funny, because the way I use it, the way I say it is do you want to play a game? And they go, Oh, what game? The saw movie comes to mind. Yeah, I know. You want to play a game?

So I say, do you want to play a game? And they were always like intrigued. ~And I go no. And I, ~and I. Play a game with it too, and I go, no, you have to agree to it before I tell you what the game is. And they're always like, they're like I'm intrigued. So yes. And I go, okay, I play this game called Q and A.

It's very simple. You ask me a question, any question in the world. I don't care what it is. I have to answer it 100 percent honestly. And then I ask you a question and you have to answer it 100 percent honestly. It's the best way to get to know somebody. And ~it's fine. ~It's fun because who doesn't like a good game of truth and ~dare truth to ~dare, but we don't have the dare involved.

It's just all truth. And ~if you have to, ~if I ask you a question that may be difficult for you to answer, because don't forget if you answer a question and I'm not expecting that to be your answer, I'm going to expound [01:24:00] on that question and I'm going to get more information ~now. How can you not? ~And it's interesting because not only do you learn a lot about the person from them answering your questions, you learn a lot about that person from the questions they ask as well.

Yeah, which is phenomenal. So I think everybody should do that at the beginning and get a lot of that shit out of the way. Because a lot of people have questions. Like one of the questions is, do you want more kids? And ~if they say yes, yeah, ~if they say yes guess what? Ha, wah, I don't.

Lana: Yeah, what's this thing about people that are afraid to tell somebody? Don't get me wrong, everybody has their own private life and whatever. 

So there's certain things about you that you shouldn't ~be ~come out with in the first five minutes because there's maybe too much information too soon.

That's why the Q& A is good. ~But also, yeah, ~but also, like, why? ~Yeah. ~Would somebody ~like high People that put relationships to in such a priority that they have to ~hide themselves to keep ~it ~from falling apart 

Dave: Yeah, that's terrible. 

Lana: They don't want to tell anybody something because they think especially something like I don't want kids or I want kids ~Yeah, ~

Dave: don't you think that's gonna come out eventually?

And what are you gonna do? ~We're ~gonna tell the person you don't want kids after you're living together or something How long do you [01:25:00] wait? Because the longer you wait, 

Lana: Let's go back to those marriages in the 50s. That's why they fell apart because nobody talked about that shit until they were three years in.

Dave: They didn't know each other either. ~No. ~You're talking about back then too. ~No, ~I know. It's like the Indian culture, right? They have, arranged marriages and they have a very low divorce rate. ~It's 98. ~They have a 2 percent divorce rate and stuff like that. 

Lana: They're not supposed to get divorced.

~That's why. ~

Dave: But now they even added another step to that too, that they usually are in the same business. So if a girl goes to school for computer programmer, she will marry a guy that's a computer programmer. So they have a lot more in common. It's interesting. I'm not saying it's ~the right thing to do ~the right way to do it, ~but ~

Lana: but they're navigating some adjustments.

So that's nice. 

Dave: Yeah. Oh yeah, they definitely are. 

Lana: I mean ~it, ~if you're going to spend your whole marriage ~getting used to the, we're ~getting to know the person you're with and that's the goal, then that's fine. A lot of times you really want to know some stuff before you get wrapped up in it, 

Dave: Of course. 

Lana: Could be ~whatever ~dangerous to you or, the relationship not [01:26:00] exist based on those things or whatever.

I would say that somebody knowing about Chris Watts before they married him might've been a good idea. 

Dave: You think? 

Lana: He's the one that still rattles me. Cause to this day, I don't know what his warning signs were. Like, if you've got warning signs, I'm good. But when somebody comes along and has none, and then suddenly, just goes, famillicide.

With absolutely no, I'm sure there must have been, but anyway. Getting back to our topic. It is good to know everything up front if you can. Obviously there's a timing to it. You don't want somebody that's gonna trauma dump you in the first A friend of mine was telling me that he met a girl ~who told her, ~who told him ~that she had been, ~that she had been pulled over for drunk driving, some other stuff.

It was like he had gone on one date with her and then She called him and was dumping all this stuff on him about her life. And he's ~I, it's ~I want to know, but Jesus Christ. Either I didn't know her well enough to know some of that stuff was way personal and maybe I shouldn't have known it right away.

Now don't get me wrong. ~He's ~I never dated her again. So it was good [01:27:00] information for me to have, but even if it wasn't. Like stuff that would have caused me a problem down the road. It was extremely personal, extremely over the top. And, real soon for somebody to call me and just start telling me, even if it's like your life is Jerry Springer and your family's all, a lot of that stuff is While it's interesting, ~is it ~is it the right timing for certain things?

Dave: I think that sharing at the beginning I tend to be an overshare I tell my stories. And the reason I do is because that's going to tell me a lot of whether or not we're moving forward or not, right? Because, if somebody doesn't, so let's say, for example, somebody is interested in marriage and that's what they're looking for and they want to get, they want to meet somebody, they want to get married, they're looking for a family or whatever the case is.

And you have a very, let's call it a sparkly family life. That's a little crazy. You might want to let that person know, because they, when you, it's true, when you [01:28:00] marry somebody, you marry their family, right? That's part of your life now. Do you have a right to know that at the beginning? I think maybe people are just trying to weed out.

People that are like, oh I'm not interested in that. But you might want to let the person, because here's the thing, too. I had a very sparkly childhood growing up. 

Lana: I think most of us did, 

Dave: yeah, but I also think that once somebody gets to know me, they're not going to care as much.

You know what I mean? Yeah, I think ~it, ~it may behoove you to hold off on that if you're actually a good person that doesn't have those, because honestly 

Lana: how do you know you're a good person? That's where the question lies, ~if you've done, ~

Dave: if you've done the work, right?

Like for example 

Lana: People that haven't done the work aren't gonna know that's why they make that 

~and that, ~

Dave: ~that would be, ~so let's say you and I are on a dating site and we're starting to have ~a video conversation and we're having ~a video conversation and you start telling me about all your family craziness, I'm going to think, Yeah, she's probably got all kinds of, cause I know that shit comes from your childhood, which means, and the shit that comes from your childhood is you.

Lana: But if I tell you, this is why I want to know if I tell you about my [01:29:00] family, which you've heard a lot of it, and a lot of it is nuts however, Yeah, but you've done the work. I've done the work, ~but if you don't, ~but you don't know that, cause you've talked to me two days or something, and I start telling you all my family bup.

Dave: I might have been a little concerned, honestly. 

Lana: You, yeah, you might be like, ooh is she going to be? A product of that right now, if I say to you, which I would, I don't know about anybody else I would say, but you know what I've learned over the years by did this, I did that. I know even before I did work, I was never like my family.

I was like stark opposite of everybody in my family by accident. That's been the way it was. 

Dave: Everybody says that though. 

Lana: No, I know. But I'm just saying, ~but. That's, ~in my case, I can tell you, that I'm obviously not anything like them. Although my dismissive avoid personality didn't come out of nowhere.

Dave: Right, of course. Yeah, you are a product of your childhood. 

Lana: I am, but my response to, there's people that have parents that neglect, ~I'm, ~I am a child neglect fucking case all day. ~I am my my, ~I was a neglected kid. I think a lot of Gen X. 

Dave: I'm laughing at the faces that [01:30:00] she made when she said all day, ~she's ~threw her hands up and rolled her eyes like all day.

Yeah. I know you guys couldn't see that, but that's what I'm laughing at. I'm not laughing. I'm not laughing. I just wanted the world to know whoever's listening that I'm not laughing because, she was neglected. 

Lana: But at the end of the day, ~like ~the bottom line of my childhood is that there was parental neglect.

There's more to it than that, but there was parental neglect and two things come out of that. One, a person who's got a bottomless pit of needing reassurance and needing somebody to mirror back to them that they're doing the thing right or that they're not mad or whatever the case may be. ~There's parents that.~

Create that in their children where their children are perpetually anxious and trying to get Attention and trying to get a gauge of whether ~they're not ~they're good people and then there's kids like me who decide I don't factor my parents into anything. I'll be okay. I can't deal with my parents and my parents are too Unstable and I can't predict their behavior Therefore I'm going to just ~not I'm just gonna ~cut them out I'm gonna deal with them because I [01:31:00] have to.

I gotta, these people feed me, whatever. ~Of course, yeah. ~But at the end of the day I'm gonna self soothe and deal with my own feelings and not try to get attention from that, because that's not something I can count on that's gonna give me what I need. So those are the two things that happen. I just happen to fall into the category of people that go, fuck it, I'll deal with myself, I'm the only one I can count on 

Dave: ~bup.~

Lana: But, 

Dave: and, the listeners can hear that, for sure. They can hear your, yeah and that's not a, it's not a bad thing. You know where it comes from. 

Lana: But the stuff I learned from my mother, I did, I learned, there's stuff that my mother did that I didn't like that I now do. And, One of them is minimizing people's shit.

I know I do it, and people say this, and this, and I'm like then so what? But, I don't understand any kind of emotional reaction to things. I think the emotional reaction to stuff is useless, and I don't know why anybody would do it, or have it, and my whole thing is, Look, fix it, and move on.

Walk it off, ~rub up dirt, ~rub dirt on it. 

Dave: Rub dirt on it, and keep walking. 

Lana: ~Throw some, What do you call it? ~There was a person who said to me recently, Oh, ~I, ~You'll be proud of me. I used duct tape to ~fucking ~fix some injury while I was in the road doing something. And then I went to the nurse later because I don't have time to be injured [01:32:00] right now.

Like I was trying to do a thing and I'm like, I laugh at that because like our whole generation is that. Like our parents taught us. 

You're fine. You're fine. You're fine. 

Dave: That literally "rub dirt on it" . Came from our generation. For sure. 

Lana: Yes. 

Dave: Rub dirt on it. Walk it off. 

Lana: And then later on, you're like, Ooh, maybe that might have been a little bit It probably was convenient for our parents to just not Fuckin deal with our shit 

Dave: Oh, 100 percent convenient.

Lana: Obviously, ~we weren't as, ~it wasn't about us being Tough, but they sold us that Because we took it 

Dave: Our parents probably would go to jail today. ~Look, ~That lady that just got arrested because she let Her 11 year old walk to the store. I used to walk to the store when I was 5 and 6 years old to get slushies.

And I crossed the highway, 

Lana: I didn't cross the highway, but I crossed the, 

Dave: what was it actually? It's not, it looked like a highway when I was a kid today, if I drive by there, ~it's just a ~it's just a two lane road, but it's a big road. It's a busy road. But we were allowed to do shit like that -today people are going to jail for it. So can you imagine how parents would go to prison for child neglect? 

Lana: We think it was. Okay, because like I like [01:33:00] another thing I generate but our generation has to get off that shit because our generation is We did it. So it's good enough for everybody ~I like ~technically we did it though because we were told how wonderful we were By parents that knew that if they did that we wouldn't fucking bother them.

That's basically what happened Our parents were like wrapped up in Their personal, what have you.

Dave: Whatever they were doing. Yeah. 

Lana: They were, smoking, drinking, partying working a lot of hours. A lot of us had single mothers, and two were always working. So yeah, 

Dave: I was a latchkey kid. I was an only child, so. 

Lana: Me too. All of us were. 

Dave: Yeah. I think a lot of us mean, yeah. I used to come home from school, let myself in. Yep. And I wouldn't see my mother until two in the morning when she got home. She would leave like probably noon and I wouldn't see her. At all. I'd leave for school.

My mother would be there. And that was the last time I saw her till the next morning. 

Lana: So yeah, exactly. Some of us had my mother was famous for doing things before I woke up and I was a kid that like slept in all the time. 

Dave: Oh. And by the way, there was no phone calls to check on me or anything. Like I just literally wouldn't see her.

Lana: Yeah. [01:34:00] No, I think I might've had phone calls, but anyway, my mother was difficult. My mother worked nine to five. But. ~I wouldn't see. No, wait a minute. ~I would see my mother before I went to school. So I think when I was a kid, we would go into school at seven or eight or something. So I'd see her in the morning getting ready for work or whatever.

And while I was going to school, I'd come home and my job was and most. Of my female friends can tell you our job was to fucking get dinner ready We came home we cleaned we did our homework because we had to do that Obviously then we had to clean the house if there was anything to clean it depends on whether we had little siblings 

Dave: Oh, yeah, I would get notes.

Yeah, dude, there would be notes to tell me what to do. 

Lana: Yeah, one two, three, four Can you get this done by the time you get home? 

Dave: Cut the grass in the backyard, do this, do that. It was never like, oh, I made dinner and the dinner's in the fridge. No. 

Lana: We made dinner. 

Dave: Yeah, I had to feed myself. 

Lana: But my mother wanted me when she came home, she was looking to fucking eat.

So I had to prep dinner. For her to come home and maybe it was something if it was like a pot roast or something like that She [01:35:00] would leave me all the ingredients and tell me put it in the oven at such and such put it on this temperature Cut this up peel these potatoes do all that and take this out and put it in...

Dave: ...and guess what?

You can cook. Yeah, there are people today that can't cook. They literally live off mcdonald's now we were talking about earlier things that are just nice to do like we were talking about the strip clubs, right? Going there. It's just like a, it's a novelty.

McDonald's used to be a novelty. Yes. It was not a thing like, 

Lana: we actually weren't allowed to go. I don't know about you, but I wasn't allowed to go to, it was like a treat. It was like, 

Dave: yes, it was a treat. We would go like once a month. 

Yes. Oh, if you do a good job we'll go to McDonald's. 

Hey, McDonald's 

Lana: You get an A on your report card.

Dave: Yes, 

Lana: or whatever, but yeah, when you think about it, we want a McDonald's for the novelty of it, but really we got fed so much better 

Dave: Of course. 

Lana: At home, and I laugh at that Eddie Murphy bit where he says My mom told me, I got a, I got something that's better than McDonald's. And you're like, better than McDonald's?

And you start watching your mother make the [01:36:00] hamburger and she's using Wonder Bread and yeah. She's putting pieces of she's cutting up peppers, but she's cutting them so big you can see them hanging out of the hamburger and all this other stuff. 

Dave: But guess what? It was better than McDonald's.

It was, 

Lana: we didn't like them, though, because they weren't 

Dave: They weren't, that's, they didn't come with a toy and they didn't have, 

Lana: that's a really early example of childhood marketing. That's what that was because the commercials, that's what we saw all fucking morning when we were watching the cartoons was McDonald's and we wanted, the happy meal and we want it, whatever, 

Dave: only the kids wanted to go.

The parents would take the kids to McDonald's because the kids wanted to go to McDonald's 

Lana: and they might eat while they were there, but they never, 

Dave: it wasn't a thing. Today, parents are bringing kids to McDonald's because they don't want to cook. They don't want to take care of the kids. 

Lana: The kids also, you got to understand a lot of these parents probably and this is true because of globalization.

A lot of times McDonald's is cheaper because it's all crap and it's easy. They put the or it's more convenient cause they put it on a dollar menu or they do it some way where parents [01:37:00] are like, all right, I'll have to do a stop here on the way home and whatever. 

Dave: Yeah. 

Lana: And ~it. ~for them to come home, for them to go to the market, figure out what to eat, bring it home, put it in the fridge and get it out before the day starts and throw it out and all the other shit and then cook it when they get home probably seems like an exhausting task for most parents ~I get it are trying to, I get it, ~

Dave: ~but I get it.~

That's why we have, what is it, a 78 percent or 82 percent now obesity rate in this country. Think about it. Yeah. We don't have time. 

Lana: It's so weird. It's so weird because of my childhood and the way that I was raised, I have certain things I can cook really well. Am I a fucking chef?

No. But there's stuff that my mother taught me that I just picked up, because ~you can't, ~you have no choice. Yeah. But all I eat now is fish and vegetables. It's all I eat, like it's my entire diet. There's nothing wrong with that. It's so easy to do. 

Dave: It's good. Yeah, it's easy. 

Lana: It's in the house too. 

And my friends get together let's go out to eat and I go out to eat I'm like fuck it I feel like I'm in a foreign land because I don't eat out anymore ever.

Yeah, and I'm just like I almost want ~to go on ~to go No, I think I just rather eat my fish and stay home But I actually have to like now force myself to go to a restaurant once in a while and like order something [01:38:00] because I'm so used to like the cost effectiveness of being home that cheap.

Yeah, how easy it is Just have shit You're like, Oh, what am I going to eat in the next couple of days? All right I'll take this. 

Dave: Think of how much food you can actually make at home. How many meals you can make for the cost of one meal going out. 

Lana: Yes. 

Dave: So it's not cheap. 

Lana: But one meal going out, like right now I'll say this.

If you go and I do, I eat a lot of whole foods, but ~they ~I'm on prime and they send me shit for free. I don't pay for shipping ~it ~or delivery or whatever. 

Dave: Yep. 

Lana: And I buy stuff ~that I invoke ~that I can. Sure. So ~if I, ~if you go to McDonald's right now, it'll probably cost you 25 bucks for one meal. Or 20 bucks or something like that.

I think the last time somebody said something about it, it was like 19 and change for just what they wanted. I can buy, at Whole Foods, 2 pounds of wild salmon. Fresh wild salmon. It is frozen, but it's, they buy it and it's wild. For 30 bucks. And that gives me, if I put it on salad, I might use two pieces at a [01:39:00] time.

That gives me like four meals that I usually take two or three days to eat because I never eat the whole meal I always split it So it's like that think about how far that goes With this money that like I'd be buying at McDonald's one meal and how none of the McDonald's meal would be any good for me And how I buy salmon and throw it on top of a salad, or several salads, but it's all I eat is salmon on top of salad is all I eat. But anyway, let's go over to the you said something about the strip thing and how somebody's value would change if they were somebody that, By the way, if you've ever dated anybody, and you see them naked, it might be very nice to see them naked, and it might be nice to know that nobody else sees them naked, but sorry, some other people have, because they've dated people before you.

Dave: Yeah, no, I get that. 

Lana: So that's also, and we can get into body count, which I think is absolute bullshit. Body 

count is bullshit. 

Dave: I don't think that's bullshit. 

Lana: No, I do. 

Dave: And I'm not talking about just from women either, I'm talking about [01:40:00] as a whole. 

Lana: No, the concept, I should tell you what I mean by that, instead of throwing words out there.

What I mean by this is that, ~how many, if you're, ~this is basically about the body count thing that men throw out there. And again, where they're getting it from, Andrew Tate, I don't fucking know. But ~it's the more women's have, ~the more ~men ~women have slept with, the less her value is, right? Okay, but, the more experienced she becomes.

I personally believe that men want women who haven't slept with a lot of men, because ~It doesn't, ~it pulls them out of the comparison arena. If you're a man and ~you date a woman who's slept with, oh, if you've meet, if ~you meet ~a woman who likes sex, just ~a woman who likes sex, most men are like, oh she likes sex.

Why does she like sex? ~Oh, ~what does that mean? I think most men are like that might mean that I might do it. And it might not be good. She might evaluate my sexual prowess based on her liking sex. That means she's had good sex. That means she's had sex that she enjoys. So does that mean that I might not be up to par?

That might be a pride thing for me, where if I sleep with her and do it wrong. That makes me have to question my [01:41:00] own skill. I'm sorry, but I believe that's part of it. And I believe the less a woman knows about sex, and the less experience she's had, the more likely a guy can pull off the fact that he's good in bed with a woman who doesn't know the difference.

I believe that. I do. 

Dave: ~So there are ~and ~we've, ~I've talked about this with other people in the past. ~We have not had this. And I've done a little research. ~ 

Lana: Good. 

Dave: ~Yeah. ~There are actually hormonal changes that happen within people's bodies when they have sex with multiple people.

~They, it can actually literally change their, ~I'll give you an example. Let's take the hormonal changes away for a minute. And talk about birth control, ~for example, ~there's a great study that shows that. When we meet the person that we're truly a match with~ we actually smell, ~even though we don't smell it directly.

~Nope. It's not just pheromones. ~We ~can ~actually smell things. We're low in. So let's say I'm low in a specific chemical within my body. That's needed 

~OT ~

whatever it might be. And the woman has more than I have. I'm going to be attracted to her and vice versa. And that is it's crazy because.

We never think about that, ~but ~they were able to do a blind test with [01:42:00] women and ~men's, they literally had ~men ~wearing ~a shirt for six days without showering. ~And they wore the shirt for six days ~and women could tell. ~And ~when the women smelled. ~And they did that whole thing where ~they could see what was missing in the women and what was higher in the ~man.~

They would choose the man that had the higher one because now they could have a perfect baby. ~Okay. ~

Lana: Okay. That's, 

Dave: and this is science. I know it sounds crazy. So when you have sex with a bunch of different people, those hormones change. So every time ~you have sex with somebody. That's different than so if ~you have sex with somebody ~for a long time ~You're gonna exchange hormones and ~you're ~it literally changes your DNA.

So if you have ~a bunch of ~a plethora of Sex with a bunch of different people your hormones start to change Male and female both right so it doesn't just affect the females. ~So right it should does ~it does devalue both people, ~when, ~if they want to have a child together, because their hormones are going to be affected by other people's hormones.

~Okay, and outside of childbirth, what does that, what does it matter? ~Outside of 

childbirth, I don't think it's going to really make a difference, except for what each other are attracted to. We're finding ~that, or they're finding, by doing studies like this ~that if I slept with a hundred women, then when I [01:43:00] meet the right girl for me, I'm not going to know she's the right girl for me because I've changed my hormones.

Lana: Then the right girl will change. And the right girl will be somebody else. And eventually if we wait, thousands of years from now, nobody will be right for each other. That's what these studies have shown. ~Yeah. The world will be done. I'm just kidding. That's exactly what will happen, right?~

Dave: But so it does have a, ~it, ~it does have its value. It's a biological value. 

Lana: True. But let's take the 100 out of it. Cause I think that's a nice number and it's a round number and it's good to use, but I don't think that's your average example. No, of course not. I think that most and of course we've never been outside of that from the model of the 19th or the 20th century, ~but, ~or maybe we have and we don't remember it anymore because of how the world was in the 1800s or whatever.

Dave: That's right, yeah. 

Lana: But I personally believe that guys that seek out women who've not had a lot of sex, And make it a problem that a girl has a high body count. Which, by the way, is usually a low number. So we usually can't win on that. To me, that's [01:44:00] what that theory covers. That's what's under that, nobody will ever tell you that.

Dave: Where do we draw the line of who they are as a person, right? Because if somebody's 20 years old and they've already slept with 40 guys 

Lana: wait a minute. 

Dave: That doesn't seem like a good person 

to me. ~There are ~I've personally spoken to girls. 

Lana: I don't think that's the norm.

~I don't think that's what's happening all the time. I think it's, ~I think it's becoming the norm, right? ~You're talking about, and ~you're talking about these guys. What about 

a man who's 20 who's slept with 20, 40 women? What's the difference? 

Dave: It's just as bad. Like where are your values?

Do you have any? 

Lana: Why would sex be compared with values? So that's, to me, that's an old fashioned concept. 

Dave: It's not. It's a self respect thing. ~You just ~ I don't know. Is it's just okay to give something that you It's supposed to 

Lana: It's the give, it's the give take thing.

Now. We're gonna get to the kind of language under that. In all of my sexual experiences, I don't believe I've given. I believe I've taken. Okay. And what's the difference? ~If somebody, ~if you sleep with somebody, ~and ~I think both people are giving and taking. 

Dave: Yes, of course. 

Lana: But the concept of give and take depends on who you talk to.

~And ~some people think women are giving up something that they should be saving for somebody else. [01:45:00] Where ~in, ~in actuality, both people involved in a sexual act ~of, ~are giving. ~So I'm saying ~there are people who lean towards the, oh, ~you ~especially, ~I ~think with women it's more prominent that when men are thinking ~that ~women should give and they should take.

~And so ~when a woman does, by 30, she's slept with 10 men, she's given herself to 10 men. ~And it's ~what do you mean she's given herself to 10 men? These are men that have ~taken, ~given to her and she's taking from them. ~That's true. ~

Dave: ~Yeah. No. There's ~ listen, I get it. If somebody's sexual, and I'll be the first to say that I'm a sexual guy.

And so if I'm single, of course ~I don't, ~I try to have a stable person that I sleep with a friend with benefits. That's the one that I'm only having sex with. But then there are people that and I've met some that literally they will not have sex with the same. ~They want to ~they like the newness in the fresh, the new sex.

Okay. So if you like that new sex, then. You don't belong in a relationship, is really what it's gonna come down to. 

Lana: This matters if somebody's trying to get into one, first of all. Cause a lot of times these people aren't. [01:46:00] As a matter of fact, I think people like that are usually trying to avoid it.

Dave: I would think so, yeah. 

Lana: And so somebody may come along and try to make a relationship out of them, and that's like a personal issue on their side. But, in general, if somebody at some point says~ I, ~this is the kind of life I had. But. I'm not doing that anymore.

I'm at the point now where I want to settle down. What makes them less valuable than somebody wants to? 

Dave: So ~I ~

~I don't, ~I personally, I don't think they're less valuable. And especially at my age ~if I meets everybody's ~

~gotta, yeah. ~

Everybody has a past, right? I literally have, Friends that are in their 40s and they ~like I ~don't want a woman that has kids I'm like, good fucking luck with that.

You know what I mean? It's like you don't want somebody that has kids guess what too bad because you waited way too long in life to decide you don't want to be with somebody 

Lana: Although, my statement is ~you can have what ~you can ask for whatever you want You can say you want whatever you want, 

Dave: right?

Lana: There's nothing wrong with what you can what you ~About ~

Dave: I understand that but you have to be realistic because here's the thing I literally have a male friend that's in his forties and ~he wants, ~he does not want to be with a woman [01:47:00] that ever had kids at all, but yet he wants kids. Guess what? If you want kids and you meet a woman that wants kids, she probably wanted kids and already has kids.

So you're asking for something that's going to be near and far. 

Lana: ~He's probably, ~it sounds to me like he's trying to justify wanting somebody who's younger. ~It sounds to me like maybe, and that's, ~and 

Dave: ~that ~that's okay too. But at what point, what is younger, right?

~Because, there, there's ~see, I don't have a problem being with a younger woman. ~I, ~I'm more active than most women that are my age. 

Lana: So there's people that are. Interested in younger women because they're open to it. And there's people that are really young women because they're focused on it.

~Yeah, no, see, I'm not focused on that for myself. Personally, ~in his 

case, he might be pulling an indirect 

Dave: ~that, ~that could be absolutely 

Lana: for, Oh, I need to go out with women younger because nobody, my age, everybody in my age area, his kids, and I want kids. You should have, why didn't you have kids 20 years ago?

What's with that's the question, right? Because if you meet a woman that's 40 years old and she wanted kids, she's got kids. ~She's not that ~most women don't decide at 40 that oh, you know what I decide now I want 

as a matter of fact if you want a woman who has no kids after 40 and you're looking for that You're not [01:48:00] gonna find no like it's actually not 

Dave: if she had them already she don't want them.

Yeah, and it's not biologically stable Yeah, I mean you get so yeah where you're a little past the point, you know 

Lana: So yeah, you want you know, you want them younger and yeah, like I said It's okay if it's not a goal. And it's the only thing you're focusing on. You're going to be a little DiCaprio about this, which, I'm sorry, but that's what's going on with him.

Or Anthony Keidis, or Dane Cook, or whoever. Where somebody's extremely young and you know that, yes, I married this person at 18 or 19, but then when you look back, you're like, ooh, this person was knowing this person since they were 16, and just waiting for them to be of legal age, and that's a little bit creepy.

Yeah, it is. The value thing is weird. 

Dave: At least do that part, if you're gonna, 

Lana: but still, it's still grooming. It's just grooming. It is. If you're hanging around a girl that's 15 and you're 30 something. It's just fucking what are you doing?

It's grooming. It is, yes. And so sure, it's legal when you turn 18. But still, if they've known [01:49:00] you for two or three years, you have to go, what the fuck? 

Dave: Yeah, and then you end up with them when they turn 18. Yeah, you definitely 

Lana: yeah Oh you marry them in 18 because you do wait you were waiting and you yeah Like I said these guys you look around and you look at their past and you could see them in the background In an age where it was just really questionable for them to be even there And that's why I, 18 is legal, but still your brain doesn't fucking function correctly till your 25.

So you don't make good choices until then anyway. And we're back to, I think that it's easier to find a woman who hasn't made the right choices or decide what she wants yet. and lock her in before she decides she wants something different so that she has to legally disentangle herself to get away from you.

But what was I going to say? But the value thing Where, yes 

Dave: the value thing, yes 

Lana: is definitely, yeah, I think, interesting. And somebody's saying to me, with the selfie thing, which we got a way far away from was that if they, if I sent them a picture of myself that [01:50:00] somebody else didn't see, then it may, it meant more and I don't get the concept.

Dave: Yeah. No, look, I kinda understand that. I'm a sentimental guy. I have sentiment. I'm sentimental, which I know you would hate that. I know, but it doesn't matter. It's who I am. And so ~I, ~I can understand that a little bit. At the beginning, not so much, right? ~So if somebody that would be like, ~so if somebody takes a picture.

So you remember back in the day, ~I don't know, ~I don't know if you remember this girls for Valentine's Day used to go to those What was that called ~a star the remember ~the photo shoot thing that girls could do in the mall ~and then we put on them ~

Lana: We did it for more than just Valentine's Day. You're talking about.

~You're talking about like glamour shots and ~

Dave: glamour shots or something like that Yeah, so they would go to glamour shots and get ~pitches ~taken For the guy and be like, ~I, ~it's a gift, right? That meant a lot, right? Because it was something you did for me. 

Lana: And it was specifically for you ~and not ~

Dave: ~Yeah, ~so I understand that because now I understand it too if you're in a relationship.

Yes, oh, yeah. Not at the beginning, right? That's what I said, not at the beginning. But once you're in a relationship, yes. So that's [01:51:00] where I think that, that's where Things do matter because if you take that picture, imagine if my girlfriend gave me that for valentine's day and next thing I know it's on a web page, ~it's ~that was not my gift anymore, 

Lana: that's different because that's, I think it's, if somebody's in that situation you're talking about, it would be different anyway, because somebody's telling you straight out, look, this is a gift for you. So it would be like deceptive almost if that's not what was happening.

And you see it elsewhere. Other than hey, you both broke up. ~She's got, I'm sorry, you can't hear me, cause ~You both broke up and she's got the proofs or something. 

Dave: Sure. 

Lana: And so she decides might as well use them. What the hell, they're gonna go to waste anyway. And then puts them on some dating profile or whatever.

So that's 

Dave: Yeah, it doesn't matter at that point. 

Lana: After the fact thing. 

But what's important 

Dave: Again there's this thing of service, right? 

Lana: It's this thing about I have to mention this guy's getting really familiar in the beginning of talking to them, where They're expecting like almost not exclusivity, but where you're like, oh, I've been talking to you for three days And you're not talking to any other guys are it's 

Dave: that's [01:52:00] none of your business at this point ~Or none of your ~

Lana: ~business or yeah.~

~Yeah. Why are you asking me that? ~

Dave: Yeah 

Lana: I assume we both are doing this 

Dave: Yeah, I don't even discuss that because so if I meet somebody I know I do too but in all fairness, like if I meet somebody and I'm truly interested and like I said, meet somebody, first of all, it's not, I can promise you that if I'm in a, and this is for all the ladies out there, if I meet you on a dating site and we have not met in person yet, I am talking to other people, a hundred percent.

Now, the thing is that once I meet somebody in person, if I'm interested in that person, I'll focus there. And I won't, I don't need to be talking to a whole bunch of other people. I'm not that guy, I believe that if. If I'm interested, then it's worth my time and it doesn't mean that I'm looking for the bigger, better thing because today we're living in a society of ~that we're living in the side, like I said, ~disposable dating and I'm not interested in that at all because honestly, here's the thing, I could meet somebody in person, get along great with them, I guarantee you, I can find somebody better, [01:53:00] I guarantee it.

There's going to be better people out there than everybody doesn't matter who you meet, right? I don't meet Angelina Jolie and be like, oh my god when she was younger And the thing is that I there are other people out there that I could find more attractive and better people But if I continue doing that then when do I say okay, this is where I put my attention So I do that right from the beginning, okay, give it a shot Otherwise, how do I ever know? 

Lana: But even if you're like, let's say even within the first two dates of being with somebody, and I'm not talking about the meet , I always call the first meeting the meet.

It's not, 

Dave: yeah, that's a meeting. It's not a date, right? 

Lana: You're just Oh, this is the first time we're in person and you're getting to sniff them out at that point. But even two dates in, you're going to be still talking to other people. Now they may go by the wayside, but like to tell them like, Hey, everything's got to stop.

You've got to shut it all down. 

No, first of all, it should be the person's choice. 

Dave: A hundred percent. 

Lana: But there are people who will expect that out of [01:54:00] you. 

Dave: It's not a question that I would ask at that point either, and first of all I still am, like, I'm not in high school anymore.

It's you can tell when you're in a relationship, I know, but it's still, communication is still good. And then if you feel as though you want to, pursue this, then you straight up say, Hey, is this something that we're going to pursue or not?

And at this point, I'm not talking to anybody else cause I think we're beyond that. And I just want to know if you feel the same way. If you don't, that's okay too. Because either you're going to or you're not. Then I can make decisions based on that. Because if I'm way ahead of the game, and I'm like falling in love with this woman, and she's still dating and doing stuff, and she's not interested.

Lana: How fast does it take you to fall in love with somebody? 

Dave: I don't know. It's organic for me. You know that. I believe in you just let it go how it's gonna go. It's not it takes five dates to fall in love. I don't know that. 

Lana: I'm a dismissive avoidant, so you know, my falling in love thing is Yeah, not even a concept at that point. Like it's gonna be ~a ~within a year maybe ~but that's ~[01:55:00] Or I might get into it six months in but that's still early for me. 

Dave: Yeah, me too. 

Lana: So that's definitely not 

Dave: It's like it's so 

Lana: if somebody's still talking to people six months in now we're talking about a different situation 

Dave: exactly 

Lana: That's what I'm saying.

~That's yeah, ~but within ~for ~

one or two dates. 

Dave: No 

Lana: And I will say this I've heard guys say to me. I don't want to talk to a girl who's been talking to other guys, or who's talking to other guys. Okay then, don't date. 

Dave: Don't talk to any girls. 

Lana: Cause it's not feasible. It's not feasible for you to tell somebody to stop talking to everybody else.

And, I don't think anybody's gonna tell you yes in any way about that. But to expect women to think you're so 

Dave: if and I would have a problem with that. Not that I would ask that question, but if I did and they lied. Then they lie, they're a liar. 

Lana: No, I can't, I mean that I don't think that a girl is gonna say, Yes, I'll do that.

They're gonna tell you, what are you, fucking crazy? Yeah. And the same thing on the other side. So when I say to you, hey listen, you're talking to other people, because that's where we're at right now. 

Dave: Yeah, if somebody asked me [01:56:00] that question, I would straight up answer the question honestly. That's it.

Look, don't ask me a question you don't want the answer to. 

Lana: And also guys will not talk to a woman who's having any kind of sex while she's single. 

Dave: That doesn't make sense to me. That's stupid. 

Lana: It doesn't make sense to me, but that's, and I'm wait a minute. If they're not with anybody, what difference does it make?

I don't want to be putting all of my eggs into a basket where she's just getting, get, sleeping with some dude over here. And I'm like that's not really what I'm asking. 

Dave: ~There are. We could actually, you ~I have a friend, who happens to be sitting right here next to me, who is one of those guys.

He would definitely not even consider a girl if she's having sex with somebody else. Even if she's single.

Lana: I got news for these men. 

Dave: ~I know, ~people have sex. 

Lana: ~Cut news with these men. ~Is it like, it almost puts women in a deceptive place. Like it almost puts women in a place where they've got to almost lie about it.

Cause not that they would. But I'm just saying, it puts you in this no win situation as a woman to hear anybody say that. ~I, ~when I'm dating somebody, I meet a guy. We click whatever [01:57:00] 

we were on one or two dates, and I think this date this guy's cool ~I ~it never crosses my mind that he wouldn't be sleeping with somebody up until that point because I assume why wouldn't he be? He's single.

~He's not yeah, ~

Dave: just because you're looking for somebody doesn't mean that you're still not Sexually active 

Lana: ~like ~it's weird to me So 

Dave: yeah 

Lana: I have to bring this up because I've heard this from more than one guy and I don't know if this is a competitive Thing if it's an ego thing a pride thing.

I don't know what it is. Maybe ask the friend next to you What is it ~is deal is ~what's the deal? What difference does it make? This person is a free agent, 

Dave: right? 

Lana: So until you guys get involved, ~right? ~Maybe you don't want somebody else ~leaving ~with somebody that you like But ~like why can't ~you do about that?

Dave: I don't know if I'm correct and he's sitting right here listening ~so ~and he can't hear your side of the conversation. ~No, that's okay, but ~So I'm gonna ask, ~is a but ~knowing him, it's more of an energy thing for him. He feels that if somebody's giving out that kind of energy elsewhere, that he's not interested ~in, ~in receiving that energy.

Lana: That doesn't tell me anything. 

Dave: Is that correct? Oh, he doesn't want to compete. ~What did I just say? ~Is it a competitive thing? That's [01:58:00] exactly, it is competitive. 

Lana: But there isn't a competition. Because ~if the, and I'm saying this from ~me being me, ~that ~when I've been between boyfriends, I've had sex with people.

~Ta da! ~If I meet somebody that I like, There isn't any competition. That's the person I'm sleeping with now ~I'm not dating ~if I was gonna be with them and there was a ~compete ~competition. I wouldn't be single 

Dave: Yeah, exactly and that's the way I look at it, too So if I meet a woman and she is currently sleeping with somebody else I don't consider that competition because ~you know You're right.~

She's not dating him. ~She, if she, ~if he was competition, she wouldn't be looking for somebody else to date. ~She's ~

Lana: ~either involved. ~She's either involved with the person she's sleeping with and not looking for anything else, or she's having sex and doesn't care if she dates anybody. So she wouldn't even really be on the market.

Dave: And so one of his concerns is that maybe she's not dating him, but is that somebody that she's going to want to keep in his life? So ~it is, ~it sounds to me like it's a competitive thing. Yeah. Okay. And he said, yeah but ~yeah, ~if she starts dating you and stop sleeping with him and then it's [01:59:00] no longer competitive, 

Lana: right? If she meets you and likes you, then she's going to want to sleep with you. This is how I am as a woman.

Dave: Oh, okay. So his more concerned is the other guy because 

~it's that guy going to come because ~

~no ~he believes that the guy's not respectful enough to respect the new relationship. And he's going to continue trying to do that. But ~that would make, that would put her would, ~that would be up to her.

Oh, ~yeah. So he doesn't ~Yeah he thinks ~so. He doesn't ~

~trust that she'll be like, no, he thinks his ~

~relationship even the ~comments that the other guy would make or whatever, he says it would be a disrespectful thing and he doesn't even want to be involved with it. . Which that's fine. 

Lana: He won't 

~never ~

hear any of that stuff, so he won't know.

~That guy would post, also, probably wouldn't know. ~The other guy wouldn't have any clue because he's just like a human dildo. ~So ~

Dave: ~well, yeah ~So yeah, and she ~is it ~is true She has a fuck buddy and she just said the guy to her is nothing more than a human dildo. ~So oh~

~Yeah, so ~yeah, you're not sharing the semen. That's not what's gonna happen. But ~so he's he's one of the, ~he's the guy that looks into all ~that, ~those studies and stuff about the hormonal changes and stuff when people have sex. ~And, yeah ~which I understand because it's pretty deep.

Some of the stuff that they're finding out. To me ~I personally, ~I don't look at it [02:00:00] that deep, nor do I want to look at it that deep because I have read some of the things and I find it very interesting, but I think that, emotions don't play a huge role in your hormones do have to match to be in a relationship at all anyway, you're not going to choose that regardless. Now the guy might have the right hormones to have sex with. But he doesn't have the right hormones to build the rest of the relationship that goes with ~so ~to me sexuality ~to me ~is sex, right? I have friends with benefits ~and then ~but I do prefer I'd much prefer to ~be You know ~

Lana: think about a woman saying to you if you're ~sleeping with any women if you've been ~sleeping with any women then I can't date you, right?

Yeah, that would just eliminate everybody 

Dave: Yeah, 100 percent ~Yeah, ~

Lana: so how does that work? It's weird to me. I think people are maybe unrealistic about. 

Dave: He's not one that just says He practices that on his side too. In fairness, ~that's what he's looking for. ~That's what he's looking for.

And there are women out there. I'm sure that feel the same way he does maybe. And the thing is that if he's not being, promiscuous or having friends with benefits and he's waiting for that, then [02:01:00] I'm sure he'll meet the right, 

Lana: that's actually fine. I'm just saying, 

Dave: yeah, I don't know. It's totally fine.

I respect it. 

Lana: I found that interesting as a conversation I have with a couple of guys, but they were just like, ~oh no ~Oh, no, like she can't be having anyone. I'm like, wait a minute. What do you think these women are doing? Do you think they're home like just knitting? What do you think they're doing when they're not involved like exactly so whatever anyway You know, we should wrap this up.

We do we have covered a lot of ground we have and being that it's been Once a month thing we've got a longer podcast than usual, but I'll split it up. Listen. Anyway, 

Dave: that's 

Lana: it's good because people You know, they need more of us. I think this month 

Dave: we'll get there. We'll get there. It's a special Valentine's gift for everybody.

It is a little bonus, even though it was yesterday. Yeah, 

Lana: it was yesterday, but 15. I didn't 

Dave: get any. 15 does the 15. I didn't get any flowers from you. 

Lana: You didn't get any flowers from me and nobody else did either. . You gotta be in the hospital. You want flowers, you better go get in the hospital.

If you want flowers, you 

Dave: better be in the hospital. ~I'll send you flowers. ~

Lana: ~Yep. ~I'll send you flowers when you're in the hospital. I guarantee it. That's it. But until [02:02:00] then. I did get flowers yesterday from somebody, but it was somebody who was a friend of mine who brought me a book markers with flowers on them.

And ~I'd ~I love that because I'd much rather have ~book, like I love ~something usable. ~Yeah. ~Yeah. And flowers die and whatever. And I actually didn't have to do that, but I thought that was really cool. So 

Dave: they're useless. They're good for decorations. ~If you want to decorate you, ~

Lana: if you're going to bring me flowers, bring me fake ones.

Dave: If you're gonna bring me flowers, I need them like once a week, so I can keep them around the house. Otherwise, there's no point. They're gonna be dead, and then I'm gonna go now I gotta have my vase where the flowers were. Fake flowers are good. 

Lana: I could dust them off. I don't have to water them. 

Dave: You can even come over and spray them with perfume once in a while, so when I walk by, I go, Oh, that smells like her.

Lana: ~Whoever that is. ~Whoever that may ~be. Happens to ~be. We are Lana and Dave, we are signing off. 

Dave: Yeah, I was definitely Dave, and you were definitely Lana. 

Lana: I was, and I continue to be, I think, and so do you. 

Dave: Yes, I do. 

Lana: www.lananddave.Com That's where our podcast platforms [02:03:00] are, that's where all our social media is, and at some point an 800 number will pop up.

But in the future. 

Dave: We gotta bring that back, yeah. 

Lana: I want everybody who's listening to this to give us your feedback on this. If there's something that you have to tell us a story about based on this, it'd be great. 

Dave: ~Yeah. ~Do you want the 800 number to come back because it's not free and ~we had, ~we were paying for it for months and literally got like three phone calls on there.

So ~it wasn't, ~it was not cost effective. 

Lana: And one of them was from somebody we know. And I think the other one was a test call that you made. 

Dave: ~No. ~Both of them were from people we know. ~Yeah. ~Personally, one was on my end and the other one ~was on ~we both know her. But yeah, so ~we, ~we didn't get a lot of phone calls.

So it wasn't cost effective. If you want us to bring back the 800 number, we will, but you damn well better use it. Otherwise we don't need it. 

Lana: We also need to get on YouTube, by the way. 

Dave: Yes, we do 

Lana: and we will work on that. I think yes this month. So yeah, that's where all of our stuff is We still have our www buymeacoffee. /lanaanddave we still have that. 

Dave: Yeah, we [02:04:00] do 

Lana: cuz that would be really great. Buy us some coffee. We love coffee We drink a lot of coffee and 

supply chain issues. We want to make sure we don't have run in on any coffee. So that would be cool. And then download ~our ~our podcast, subscribe.

Give us a five star review. ~We love all that. ~That helps 

Dave: and share it 

Lana: yes, definitely share it. If there's somebody ~that, ~that would ~like ~really be interested in our topic here today or any of our other podcasts, by all means share. And if you have to pull their phone out of their hands so that they, Do it right, then do it.

Dave: That's right. ~And we talked ~

Lana: ~about this last month. I keep talking over you Dave, sorry. ~We were talking about this last month. iPhone users, you already have a podcast platform on your phone. If you didn't know that. And I believe if you have a Samsung or something like that. What are the podcasts that they normally get?

~Is that's ~

Dave: I'm not sure what the Samsung has for podcasts. Yeah. Or, But it's a it's on every podcast app. ~There is we're on even ~

Lana: I just know that iPhone has an app ~or ~that It's just built in. ~I'm just wondering if there's ~

Dave: yeah, cuz iHeart radio has a podcast Android now So you could get it there ~if you're if you have one of them ~If you have [02:05:00] Spotify yep Yeah, it's on all those ~so ~

Lana: ~yeah, ~we just got to get YouTube going and we will do that 

Dave: Yeah, ~it's on ~it's even on Amazon too.

So you can get it there. ~Yes ~

Lana: ~audible. That's ~audible. Yep 

Dave: audible. ~Yeah, so ~okay. You guys have a great day and we will talk to you again next month. Yes, ~and yeah ~

Lana: I hope this is a good one 

~it ~

Dave: I like it. It's always a good one. It's a good conversation you know if they don't like it they don't know how great it is We are Conversating with each other.

We did a whole hour long thing before this too, but we didn't hit record 

Lana: ~We're not ~we're sick of each other now. So 

Dave: yeah, we're done. 

Lana: All right you guys have a great month and we will talk to you soon We'll be pulling in on st. Patrick's day when we come back. But in the meantime, 

Dave: yeah, thanks for listening.

Lana: Bye. Bye 

*****End of Part 2*****